July 4, 2010
Posted in Compulsive Hoarding, Depression, DID Education, DID/MPD, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Domestic Violence, emotional pain, mental health, Physical Abuse, Ritual Abuse, Therapy and Counseling, Trauma, trauma therapist tagged AbuseConsultants, Anorexia, Anxiety, BMI Scale, Bulemia, Categories of Weight, Child Abuse, Compulsive Hoarding, Creating Freedom, Dallas TX, Date Rape, Depression, DID / MPD, DID Survivor, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Domestic Violence, DV, Eating Disorders, emotional pain, Family Violence, Fear of People, Fear of public places, Fears, Feeling Trapped, Freedom, Healing, Hiding in the corner, Hoarders, Hoarding: Buried Alive, Human Trafficking, Incest, Independence Day, Independent Thinking, Invisible Jail, July 4th, Kathy Broady, MC, Mind Control, Obese, Obesity, Obesity Table, Obsessions, OCD, Ongoing Abuse, Organized Abuse, Prostitution, RA, Risks of Violence, Ritual Abuse, Sex Slavery, Therapy Process, TLC, Trapped, Trauma, Trauma Survivor, trauma therapist at 3:17 pm by Kathy Broady
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For us here in the US, it’s the July 4th holiday weekend. Barbecues, picnics, swimming parties, and fireworks are happening all over the country. Red, white, and blue stars and stripes are visible in every direction. It’s a fun holiday – most people are in festive moods.
July 4th - Independence Day
The point of the Independence Day holiday is to celebrate freedom. It’s about being free, living in a land that is free, feeling free and all kinds of good stuff like that. Freedoms do exist in all kinds of ways – there’s no doubt about that. Life can be good. Most of us here in America have the freedom to live our lives in ways that we choose for ourselves.
But is everyone free?
Unfortunately, no.
People get trapped and stuck in a variety of ways. When this happens, their life feels anything but free. Sometimes the traps are made by the people themselves. Sometimes traps are made by societal views, racial hatred, poverty, language barriers, etc. Sometimes the traps are made by mental illness. Sometimes traps are set by other people, especially in situations involving chronic trauma and abuse. Sometimes traps are made with mind control.
This weekend, while I am enjoying the chance to make decisions for myself, I am thinking about people who are not feeling as free as I am.
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1. Trapped within their Compulsive Hoarding
Have you seen any of the recent flurry of television shows about compulsive hoarding? Titles such as “Hoarding: Buried Alive” (shown on the TLC channel) describe exactly how trapped people become when they suffer from compulsive hoarding. Their own home becomes their jail, and far too many compulsive hoarders are stuck in their lifestyle, with no clue how to free themselves from such heaviness.
Hoarding: Buried Alive by TLC
Hoarders do not feel free. They do not have a sense of freedom in their own homes. They are often laden down with many extreme obsessions, compulsions, anxieties that may not even be rational, but still claim total ownership to their mind and lives.
The more someone hoards, the less space they have to move. Eventually, even the freedom to walk around their own home becomes nonexistent. They become complete prisoners to the items they are hoarding.
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2. Trapped with Fears and Phobias
Fears and phobias can imprison a person in a very extreme way. Fears of talking to people, fears of leaving the house, fears of trying new foods, fears of eating in public, fears of riding in cars, fears of the unknown, etc. can all keep a person stuck into a very limited life-space. When people are too frightened to venture out of their status quo, they are stuck and trapped in whatever place they are in. The more fears they have, the more traps they live in. Their living space can get smaller, and smaller, and smaller.
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3. Trapped by Obesity and Eating Disorders
Categories of Weight
People that are obese are trapped within their own bodies. The lack of freedom to move, or walk, or bend, or stretch can feel very entrapping. Eating disorders, including anorexia and bulemia, can also create a prison with the body. When the body becomes the prison, every minute of the day feels trapped. There is no freedom since the prison goes everywhere.
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4. Trapped with Ongoing Abuse and Trauma
Unfortunately, there are far too many survivors of trauma and abuse that are still current victims of trauma and abuse. This includes anything from child abuse,
Ongoing violence and abuse
domestic violence, incest, and date rape, to human trafficking, prostitution, sex slavery, cult groups, etc. When people are controlled by other people through violence and pain, they are often too beaten down to see a way out. They are not allowed to see or believe that they can escape from their abuse, and they are typically not given or allowed the resources to leave. Any efforts to leave require an incredible depth of personal strength since the external controls and risks of violence are excessive.
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5. Trapped with Mind Control
Mind control is the invisible jail. Dissociative survivors of chronic, severe abuse have elements of mind control that effect every essence of their lives. Survivors of organized or ritual abuse will absolutely have parts within their internal dissociative systems that were purposefully made and created in order to contain elements of mind control and programming. DID survivors with mind control issues will have parts in their systems that have been expertly trained to do tasks that are opposite from what the host personality / day parts are willing to do. Amnesia and dissociative walls (blocking off the sharing of information) can mean that a dissociative survivor can have missing time and minimal (if any) awareness that certain events happened. DID survivors may have no awareness of what is going on in their own lives.
Who is in control of the mind and body?
Mind control can dictate what dissociative survivors say, where they go, who they talk with, who they interact with, what they do, what they tolerate, what they feel, what they think, etc. Having internal system parts that are controlled by mind control means that there are certain elements of the life (and certain times of the day or night) that your life is being completely controlled and manipulated by someone else. Other parts of your system will take over the body and they do exactly what they have been told to do by the abusers who are using the mind control tactics. This can be very scary, and the people whose lives are “taken over” by mind control certainly do not feel free.
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Creating Freedom within Your Own Life
When you are trapped by any of the above-mentioned areas of life, it will take a lot of hard work to get out of those traps. It is possible. Yes, in every single situation mentioned above it is absolutely possible for the enslaved people to get out of all the traps. But freedom for any of these people does not come easy. It takes a lot of consistent work, typically for years of time.
Do you want real freedom in your life?
Do you want the ability to walk, move, think, decide, and believe for yourself?
Do you want the freedom to be your real, authentic self and have a life completely under your own control?
Freedom is to be your true self is an absolutely wonderful thing.
And yes, that’s an option for you too.
Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
You might have to fight for it, but yes, absolutely, you can have freedom too.
———-
By:
Kathy Broady LCSW
www.AbuseConsultants.com
www.SurvivorForum.com
Copyright © 2008-2010 Kathy Broady LCSW and Discussing Dissociation
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July 12, 2009
Posted in Depression, DID Education, DID/MPD, Family Members of Trauma Survivors, mental health, Self Injury, Therapy and Counseling, Trauma tagged Abuse, AbuseConsultants, AbuseConsultants.com, Alone, Anxiety, Cats, Companionship, Depression, Diagnosing cancer, DID/MPD, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Dogs, Dysfuntional relationships, emotional pain, Fear, Grief, Joy, Kathy Broady, Laughter, Lifting depression, Loneliness, Low Blood Sugar, Low Self-Esteem, Lowering cholesterol, Loyalty, Medical Benefits of Pets, mental health, Obesity, Pets, Phobias, Profound sadness, PTSD, Reducing Stress, Self Injury, sexual abuse, Social Anxiety, Social Dysfunction, Trauma, Trauma Survivors, Trauma Therapy, Trust at 4:05 pm by Kathy Broady
Pets are very important to trauma survivors for a variety of reasons:
A place to express love, affection, and tenderness
Many abuse survivors have difficulties with attachment issues due their extensive histories of trauma, abuse, and neglect. Because people were the perpetrators, trauma survivors frequently find it difficult and complicated to express caring and affection to other people. And yet, many survivors can still feel loving connections, and they have the desire to appropriately express that. Animals and pets feel safer for bonding than people, and because of that added safety, animals can become the positive target audience for the survivor’s feelings of love, affection, and tenderness. Sometimes it just feels good to be able to hug a cat!
An acceptable substitution for maternal instincts
Many trauma survivors do not have children, or are not with their children, or do not want to have children, or cannot have children, are not ready for children, etc. However, being away from children does not eliminate maternal feelings and maternal instincts (or paternal feelings and paternal instincts). Many survivors purposefully choose to have a variety of pets and animals as an appropriate substitution for children. Some survivors will purposefully get pets to learn how to nurture and care for others prior to having children. If you can’t manage taking care of animals, you won’t be able to tend properly to children.
An exercise companion
Trauma survivors, like any other group in the population, have difficulties getting proper exercise. Plus, having significantly increased levels of depression, fatigue, social anxiety, fears, phobias, obesity, body image issues, etc. can make it even more difficult for trauma survivors to exercise. Having a dog to walk or a horse to ride can make exercising less stressful, less scary, and much more fun.
Assistance with safety and security
Some pets can provide safety in the obvious ways, such as trained dogs helping to guard the home. For trauma survivors who frequently live in chronic fear of abusers, the assistance of a guard dog can be very comforting. In addition, animals can help to provide a sense of daily grounding from internal fears, dreams, flashbacks, etc. If the cats are still sleeping peacefully, the confused survivor can be more assured that the emotional disturbance was internal, not external. Feeling safe and secure is fundamentally important for trauma survivors, and pets can play a monumental role on this level.
Assistance with social situations
Social service dogs and horses are trained companions for social situations with anxious trauma survivors. These animals are excellent assistants, and have been found very helpful for many people. The service animal helps the survivor to have the confidence needed to venture out into the world and not be excessively housebound. Regular pets can serve that same function on a smaller scope, even if these uncertified pets are not qualified to go into stores, in public buildings, on planes, etc.
Being out in the world with a cute puppy provides:
- an immediate distraction and interest for other people (putting the focus more on the puppy than the survivor)
- a comfortable starting place for conversation (many people will ask about the puppy first)
- a physical barrier between the survivor and other people, creating more physical distance and a greater sense of emotional safety (when the puppy stands or sits in front of the survivor)
- a valid, less questioned excuse for the survivor to leave uncomfortable social situations (ie: stating the puppy needs to go outside now).
Companionship, friendship, someone to talk to
Many trauma survivors live alone, or feel very alone even when they live amongst others. Most dissociative survivors have an extensive history of strained or unhealthy or abusive social relationships. Making and keeping friends is not easy, especially for survivors with issues such as borderline personality disorder and chronic self-injury issues. Having their own pet provides that special someone they can talk to, even if it is difficult to talk to people. Dogs and cats can be the very best friends, and their companionship is invaluable. They help survivors to not feel alone, and to not be alone. How can survivors feel alone when a puppy follows them all around the house, from room to room to room?
Entertainment and Humor
Laughter is the best medicine, and most pets provide a variety of humorous situations to lighten even the darkest of moods. Who can resist smiling and laughing at the antics of an energetic kitten rolling around tangled up in string or a puppy flopping around after a bouncy ball? Pets very much have their own personality – the more survivors enjoy the liveliness of their pets, the better. Smiles and spontaneous laughter adds to the quality of life for anyone.
Learning how to bond, connect, attach
Dissociative trauma survivors with severe abuse histories often find it extremely difficult to attach to other people. In survivors’ experiences, most people have been abusive, neglectful, or uninterested in them. Trauma makes it very hard to bond, and many DID survivors did not bond with anyone for years of their life. Or sometimes, the only bond felt is a damaging trauma bond with a perpetrator. Having a pet can be the first experience in positive unconditional bonding with a loved one. Experiencing affection and warm connection from a pet can have great meaning to an isolated, lonely trauma survivor.
Learning how to take care of someone outside of themselves
Some trauma survivors have experienced such damage from their abusive, neglectful childhood upbringing that they genuinely lack the skills in tending to others. Especially in homes where neglect was prominent, basic living skills would have been overlooked. Having a pet can be the first experience in learning how to tend to the needs of the self and others. Also, for survivors that are excessively self-involved and self-absorbed, having a pet can teach them to look beyond their own needs.
Provide a variety of medical benefits
Research has shown that pets have a positive impact on medical health, mental health, and reducing stress. Pets help to lower cholesterol and triglycerides, reduce blood pressure, increase life expectancy after heart attacks, reduce the need for prescription medications, reduce the number of medical appointments, etc. Pets can be trained to help with seizures, help with Parkinson’s Disease, diagnose cancer, and watch for low blood sugar. People with pets have improved health!
Help with depression and low self-esteem
Pets help to fight depression and low self-esteem. Pets help survivors to feel important and to be recognized as valuable, worthy people. Walking in the door to a pet that is really genuinely happy to see you makes for a corrective emotional experience for many trauma survivors who have felt ignored, unimportant, unnoticed, unworthy, etc.
Provide joy and happiness
Chronic emotional pain is intense for dissociative trauma survivors. Heartbreak, anguish, grief, profound sadness, and emptiness are frequent feelings. Pets can bring a sense of joy and happiness into the survivor’s life, helping to lift depression, and actually letting the survivors experience moments of joy and happiness.
To feel loved, accepted, cared for
All too many trauma survivors have grown up feeling unloved, unwanted, uncared for, unappreciated, etc. This leaves a hole in the heart that just doesn’t go away. Pets help survivors to have the emotional experience of being loved and unconditionally cared for. Pets don’t leave just because their survivors are down, depressed, messy, messing up, or dysfunctional. Pets stay loyal to their survivors, and continue to express long-term, loving devotion even through difficult times when people are not be willing to be there.
To feel understood
Pets can listen with their hearts. They can read the emotional state of their survivors with an uncanny ability. They know when their survivors are hurting, or angry, or afraid. Pets can respond in natural ways to these emotions, and provide a level of understanding that doesn’t require words. Pets can tell when dissociative trauma survivors switch from one part to the other. There are many reasons why they say “dogs are man’s best friend”.
Pets are wonderful.
I hope you enjoy yours as much as I enjoy mine.
__________
By:
Kathy Broady LCSW
www.AbuseConsultants.com
www.SurvivorForum.com
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