May 1, 2012
I hope you are doing well today.
This will be a short post, but I made an important update to the Discussing Dissociation blog and wanted to be sure that you all knew about it.
I have been asked repeatedly about my views on integration. I’ve written posts and comments about this topic, but unfortunately, I didn’t create a “category” for these posts. So now, with the 170+ articles on this blog, these posts and comments are difficult to find. Of course! This means it’s time to simplify this topic search for everyone, and to make it simpler for the Discussing Dissociation readers to find these blog articles.
If you look on the right side of this page, scroll down until you see the Categories drop-down box. I’ve added the category “Integration – yes or no” to this feature.
This drop-box will link you to here.
I’m assuming, in all my many blatherings on this blog that I’ve made more comments about integration than just what is written in these two blog articles. However, this link is a good start. If anyone finds comments about integration in other articles, please let me know, so I can be sure to add that article to the category list as well.
In case you don’t have time to read the other articles at the moment, I’ll give you a quick summary of what I think about integration right here in this post.
Quick Thoughts about Integration – Kathy Broady’s Opinions:
Is integration necessary?
Is integration beneficial?
I doubt it.
Is integration the ultimate peak / proof of healing for dissociative trauma survivors?
Not at all.
Does integration need to be your treatment goal?
Not unless you say so. I wouldn’t ever ever make it a treatment goal for any of my clients.
If integration is not the treatment goal, what is?
Team work. Lowering the dissociative walls between internal people. Internal communication. Talking together. Not hiding information from each other. Building trust and genuine relationships within your system. Learning to genuinely love and care for each other.
Do you, Kathy, think that integration is possible?
Honestly? Not really. Not complete and “total” integration. I have not yet met anyone who integrated in such a way that they stayed integrated permanently for the rest of their life. I have not even met anyone that I would say has been integrated successfully for years of time. I have heard the stories of many such claims, and met some of these people, but in my opinion, none of the “integrated” people that I have ever talked with were able to literally demonstrate true integration. They were still very multiple in oh so many ways.
I’m not convinced that a person who has lived most of their entire life as a multiple can literally change their brain in such ways to become a singleton. Besides, what would be the point anyway?
Do you think that blending is possible?
Yes, absolutely. To me, blending and coming closely connected together in a co-conscious ways are very different from integration. Blending does not imply a complete union of absolutely everyone. It is perfectly natural, normal, and healthy for some of the splits to become more blended together, especially those parts that are already very close to each other. If their blending happens naturally, that is great. You cannot force blending to happen, and it doesn’t happen instantly. It is a very gradual process that happens over years of excellent therapy, healing work, and genuine external safety. If there is any kind of “forcing” or demanded blending under duress or coercion or deception, you can bet that those insiders will step back and separate again in the not so distant future.
Do you think that integration keeps you safe?
Ummmm…. No. In fact, I think that claims of integration can lead to the very opposite of safety. Why? Because I think that real and genuine integration so very rarely happens (if ever), that when someone begins to believe that they are integrated, this is the beginning of some really dangerous times. This typically means, in my experience, that some of the top layers of the system may have blended together, and/or learned how to work well together, but the darker under-layers of the system have hidden behind very thick dissociative walls. This is extremely dangerous because the dark parts are able to function without being noticed, and the top layers of the system are too busy being proud or protective of their integration and/or completely absorbed in their outside lives that they don’t notice the dark rumblings behind the wall.
Do you think that integrated multiples are safe leaders for other dissociative survivors?
No. Not that I have seen. In my opinion, it is much more likely that the alleged “integrated multiple” has very neatly hidden or shoved away their dark sides, even if they do not realize this. All the claims in the world of being integrated do not actually make someone integrated.
In fact, following the leadership of someone who alleges to be an “integrated multiple” can be extremely dangerous for others, especially for those who are newer in their healing process. You would be safer to run 100 miles in the other direction than to assume that an integrated multiple is “automatically” a safe person.
I know many of you will not like these statements, and it is ok if you disagree. I am not meaning to offend you. We each have our own opinion and our own experiences in life. Let me repeat this, because it is so very important. In my years of experience, “integrated multiples” have more often than not been used as lures, and in reality, they are people who have not completed HUGE areas of work, and they are not automatically “safe” people. Going further into this topic is an entirely different blog post, but in my opinion, there is a whole whopping lot of danger in this area. PLEASE be careful when you meet an “integrated multiple”.
I am very aware that there are many multiples who have had spiritually-based integrations. That is yet another complicated topic, to be discussed at another time.
Ok – this was going to be short (and of course, it’s not short!!), so I’ll stop at this point. I can feel the waters already getting stirred out there. Ah well. What is life without controversy, yes?
IF I thought integration was a great thing, I would certainly say so. I just haven’t seen it as such.
What about you?
Do you have any comments about integration?
Copyright © 2008-2012 Kathy Broady and Discussing Dissociation
March 13, 2012
Hello to Everyone out there in the Blogging World –
Over the past weeks and months, I’ve been bouncing around to a few different places, sometimes with internet connection, and sometimes not. Today, I do have internet connection.
I thought I’d say a quick hello while I could today.
(that’s my version of a quick hello, ha ha ha)
Ok, so with all silliness invited, I also wanted to introduce you to a good friend of mine. Her name is Maizy, and she has been bouncing around with me lately. Not many people have met Maizy yet. She’s a little shy, and she doesn’t really get out much. But Maizy is a kind-hearted Maizy, and maybe with a little encouragement, she just might be willing to spend a little time with you.
I was hoping that maybe just maybe Maizy could share some of her aMaizyng Maizy adventures with you, especially with some of the DID kids of the world. There are always lots of fun things to learn and share with kids who have seen too much pain and sorrow and troubles in their young lives. Maybe Maizy can become a helpful and comforting friend to those kids too?
Would you kids like to meet Maizy and hear stories about how she gets through her tough times in life? Would you like to hear some aMaizyng Maizy stories?
I think I can encourage Maizy to share some of her life experiences with you all.
Before she comes out here on her own, Maizy wants you to see her with her friend Emma.
Do you remember Emma?
Have a little peek at a few blogs back. Emma has had her picture in here a few times already. Emma Girl is very sweet and enormously precious to me. Emma knows. She isn’t fooled by anyone.
As far as I am concerned, Emma is one of the most beautiful pug dogs in the whole wide world. Anybody that’s ever heard Emma knows that she snorts and sneezes and snitzles and schwizchles with the biggest variety of puggy noises. Emma has a wonderful heart and she is a very very smart puggy with a great big vocabulary, and she can sniff out the very best in anybody and everybody. And Emma knows Maizy.
A picture can show it better than I can, so I’m including some pictures of when Emma first met Maizy. As you can see, Emma gave Maizy a very good look and checked her out carefully. Emma is not easily tricked and she only friends up with those that are safe and good, and have kindness in their hearts. Even when kids don’t know that they have good hearts, Emma can sniff out the good in them. Emma knows. She knows that lots of kids are good kids.
You can see in the pictures that Emma gave Maizy a good thorough check. Emma was not sure at first, but she looked and sniffed and woofed and looked and sniffed and woofed some more. Finally, Emma decided Maizy was a pretty good Maizy, that Maizy.
Emma knows that it is important to check very carefully when you meet someone new. She knows to not rush head-over-heels too quickly when first meeting someone. Good, solid relationships take a lot of time to build and develop, and the super-speed attraction approach is often not so safe, and/or it ends up crashing too quickly with emotional overload and overwhelming intensity. Emma knows to not say too much, and she knows to not disclose too much personal information when first meeting someone. She knows it is important to make sure someone is not pretending to be someone that they are not, and that often takes a fair bit of time to figure all that out.
Emma says not to rush into building any kind of relationship with anyone! She says it is more important to ask more questions to the other person than it is to tell information about you. The more you know about the other person, the better you can decipher if he or she is a safe person or not.
It’s important to be careful, and to know that there are people out there in the world that are not going to be kind to you. Please protect yourself and guard your little ones carefully while you are getting to know who the other person is.
So with all those self-protection cautions in mind, here’s Maizy.
Copyright © 2008-2012 Kathy Broady and Discussing Dissociation