April 4, 2010

Do You Need Faith to Overcome the Effects of Trauma?

Posted in DID Education, DID/MPD, Dissociative Identity Disorder, emotional pain, Physical Abuse, Ritual Abuse, sexual abuse, Therapy Homework Ideas, Trauma tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , at 12:51 pm by Kathy Broady


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Don’t worry – I’m not a preacher – I’m not going to preach at you.

But I do believe in a thing called faith.

I do believe there is goodness and light in the world.  And I believe there is evil and darkness in the world.

And I believe that there is a huge war going on out there that pits good vs. evil.  And one of the ways this war plays itself out is between people, including between violent perpetrators and their innocent victims.

Many dissociative trauma survivors have seen this war in a very literal way – in a way that most people don’t ever even begin to realize exists.  DID survivors have fought evil on their very own, even as a child – completely alone, tiny, without help, without support, without comfort.  And somehow, even in the midst of fighting the most horrid evil and degrading violence, some DID trauma survivors have maintained a strong, undeniable connection to goodness, light, compassion, and empathy in their heart, soul, and spirit.

Is there anything more impressive than that?

How can someone fight evil on their own, as a very young child, and still hold onto the powers of goodness and light?!

How can these young children withstand years of the intensity of the anger, violence, and sadism they are exposed to, and still grow up to be a kind, decent, compassionate, empathetic, gentle people?

Is some ways, it is the biggest testimony to the power of goodness and light that I have ever heard.  And I’ve seen this over and over and over in a number of different survivors.

Somehow these young, abused children hold onto a faith, a goodness, a hope that gets them through the trauma and the pain.  There are scars from the abuse, yes – tons of them, on all kinds of levels – but deep within, in a very protected place, there remains that strong unbreakable connection to goodness and light.   It doesn’t get squished out.  It doesn’t get beaten away.  It can’t be stolen.  It’s there.  It’s real.  It might be protected or hidden, but it exists.  I can see, absolutely without question, or a shadow of a doubt, the connection to goodness and light exists.

That is powerful.

It’s amazing.

It’s mind-boggling.

I don’t know how it happens, but that to me is proof.

It is proof that good trumps evil.
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I have a song to share with you all.  A trauma survivor first introduced it to me, and I want to pass it on to all of you, because it is a powerful song about overcoming darkness.  It is about having the faith to stand even against the odds.

Many of you are still struggling from the horrors of your abuse and pain – the hurt is real, and healing is not an easy path.  I hope this song provides comfort, strength, hope, and healing for you.

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“What Faith Can Do”
by Kutless

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Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know

Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright

Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don’t have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That’s what faith can do!

Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

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To watch the official music video of this song, please click here.

Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise
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———-
By:

Kathy Broady LCSW

www.AbuseConsultants.com

www.SurvivorForum.com

Copyright © 2008-2010 Kathy Broady LCSW and Discussing Dissociation

October 23, 2009

Remembering Annemaria

Posted in Depression, DID Education, DID/MPD, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Family Members of Trauma Survivors, Internal Communication, Ritual Abuse, Self Injury, sexual abuse, Therapy and Counseling, Trauma, trauma therapist tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , at 11:55 am by Kathy Broady


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There is a young woman who will always be precious to me.  I haven’t spoken to her in years, but she forever changed my life.

This date – October 23rd — had specific meaning for her.

And every year on this date, I specifically think of her.
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Back in the 80’s…

Annemaria was a 13 yr old wildly aggressive but enormously quiet girl that kept setting fires in the residential treatment center and starting fist fights with grown men.  She was a complicated child, and was court-ordered to have an assessment by a psychologist.  Fortunately for Annemaria, the psychologist had just attended a presentation about multiple personality disorder (MPD), learning about the symptoms of dissociation and trauma.  Annemaria was quickly diagnosed with MPD and due to the variety of extreme acting out behaviors she demonstrated within the custody setting, she was given an unusual opportunity.

It was clear that Annemaria was acting out her child abuse history.  She openly admitted to purposefully committing violent crimes so she would be taken out of her abusive home.  It was a brilliant plan for finding safety from her offender-parents.  Unconcerned about the long list of legal charges against her, she knew she would be safer living in residential treatment centers, and she was glad to be there.  No one doubted her abusive past, and a long string of child protection workers advocated for her safety.

As requested, the Court agreed to give Annemaria the longest sentence possible so she could remain in the residential treatment center instead of being forced to go home.  They did this for the preventive safety of the people she would be willing to assault in the future, but also for her own current-day safety and protection.  The Court also ordered that she be given specialized treatment and intensive therapy.

Since she was so violent towards men, she was to be assigned a female staff member, and this staff member was to devote the vast majority of her time to working individually with Annemaria.

This is when Annemaria changed my life.

I was assigned to be Annemaria’s personal staff member.

I knew about sexual abuse, but I didn’t know a thing about MPD.  I had been trained to work with family systems, but I didn’t know anything about internal systems.  But I was thoroughly pleased to have been given the assignment of working with Annemaria.  I knew it would be fascinating work, and frankly, Annemaria and I already had a little bit of a connection.  Afterall, I was the only person in the entire treatment center that she would speak to.

I had two years to work with Annemaria.  We did hours and hours of therapy every week, and even more hours of everyday life-skills work.  She blossomed in that safe, healing environment but for such a young child, her stories of abuse were more than any of the treatment staff could fathom.  Eventually, a non-threatening but strong young man was assigned to assist me during Annemaria’s acting out or heavy-duty memory flashbacks.  She bounced a lot of male anger in his direction, but he handled that like a pro.  The work was tough, and we leaned on each other a lot.  Even so, I developed secondary PTSD, and experienced numerous nightmares after listening to Annemaria’s stories of trauma.  I really hadn’t known such horrors existed.  Talk about a learning curve…  They hadn’t explained ANY of that in grad school!

I had so much to learn.  I had no idea anyone could be abused in the ways that Annemarie described in such vivid detail.  She was only 13.  It had just happened.  She had been abused her whole life, but still… it had just happened!  Even though she was dissociative, she knew a lot about it.

She and I taught each other about two very different worlds.  She taught me about her world, and I taught her about mine.  We both ended those two years in a very different place.

I was truly never the same.

I hope that I impacted her life in the same way.

I also wish I could re-do those two years with Annemaria.  Now that I have had 20 years experience working with MPD – currently called Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) — I would do those first two years very differently.  I’ve learned more about self-injury and how to manage those behaviors effectively.  I’ve learned about depression, anxiety, PTSD and vicarious traumatization.  I’ve learned about flashbacks, amnesia, body memories, and internal system communication.  I’ve learned about organized abuse, the sex slave industry, pornography, and ritual abuse.  NOW I am properly prepared to address the issues that Annemaria was speaking about.

But then?

I just didn’t have a clue.

And how sad was that.
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Today is Annemaria’s day.

And today, while I was recording my BlogTalkRadio show on Internal Communication, I thought of Annemaria.

While I felt confident in explaining how so many things work for DID / MPD, I thought of Annemaria.

I just wish I knew then what I know now.

I could accomplish so much more with Annemaria in two years at this point in time than I could have back in the 80’s when I was new to the field.  It saddens, me in that respect, because I didn’t give to her then what I could give to her now.

But she changed my life.

In fact, she changed the entire course of my life.

I would not be where I am if it were not for Annemaria.

And for that, I owe her a few years of decent therapy.

Annemaria, if you ever find me again, you’ve got yourself a therapist for as long as you need one!

And thank you, Annemaria.

Thank you.

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By:

Kathy Broady LCSW

www.AbuseConsultants.com

www.SurvivorForum.com

July 16, 2009

Being Hated, Feeling Hated, Overcoming Self-Hatred

Posted in Depression, DID/MPD, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Family Members of Trauma Survivors, Self Injury, sexual abuse, Therapy and Counseling, Trauma, trauma therapist tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , at 4:45 pm by Kathy Broady


Practically every dissociative trauma survivor that I have ever spoke to has said to me at some point in time or another, that they have felt hated, truly hated. What’s worse, they didn’t feel hated by strangers — they felt hated by their loved ones. They felt hated by their mothers, their fathers, their siblings, their spouses, their children, their friends. They felt hatred from the very people they cared the most about.

What effect does feeling hated have on someone?

How does this experience change someone’s life?

It’s a natural human response to want to feel liked, loved, cherished, treasured. Children very much want to be the in the spotlight for their parents, the apples of their eyes. They each want to feel special, and to be treated like they are the most important person on earth. This is normal for children. It is part of a natural, normal, healthy development.

What happens if a child does not experience a positive sense of self in early childhood?

What happens if that child feels hated instead of loved?

What if the only time the child feels loved, accepted, appreciated, wanted is during times of sexual abuse?

What happens when abusive parents treat their children in such consistently abusive and neglectful ways that the children are left with feelings of self-hatred instead of self-love and self-acceptance?

What are some of the effects of being hated?

  • Inherent sense of badness and worthlessness
  • Long-term self-hatred and self-loathing
  • Loneliness and Isolation
  • Sadness, emotional pain, emotional scars
  • Self-injury, self-destruction, and suicidal behaviors

Children that are treated with hatred internalize that hatred. Children find it difficult, if not impossible, to blame their parents for their hateful behavior. Instead, children will blame themselves. Children decide it must be their own badness, their own poor behaviors, and their own inadequacies that forced their parents to not love them.

With each violent assault, abusive parents spoke hatred to their children. Even if the words “I hate you” were never said, it was understood clearly enough by the children. In order for their loved ones to purposefully cause so much hurt and harm to them, their parents must have hated them. It is not hard for children to figure out that people causing physical injuries and emotional wounds are acting in hateful ways. Children will feel that hatred to the very core of their being.

Children tend to internalize that hatred as if they deserved it. They decide that they must be bad, they must be worthless, they must “need to be punished”, they must “need to be abused” because of their badness. Children cannot blame their parents — so they blame themselves.

The more the children are treated with hatred, the more the children hate themselves.

They may learn to hate the parents / abusers eventually, but their first response was learning to hate and despise themselves. And the self-hatred isn’t something they just grow out of or leave behind the way they might leave the actual abuse. Self-hatred can continue to affect them for all the years of their life. It is a fundamental part of self-injury behaviors. Without intense self-hatred, survivors would not be nearly so prone to cutting, burning, overdosing, or any other number of self-destructive and suicidal behaviors. It’s not uncommon for trauma survivors to carve or burn “I hate myself” messages into their body, sometimes scarring it for life. I dare say, most survivors that commit suicide were able to do so because of their incredibly deep sense of self-hatred and self-loathing.

People that truly hate themselves don’t want to live with themselves.

It’s equally difficult for people that hate themselves to be in long-term positive relationships. Trauma survivors often find it easier to love someone else more than themselves, but part of being in a positive loving relationship is comfortably accepting the reciprocal love-caring-compassion-support from others. People that inherently hate themselves find it very difficult to believe that they could be loved / lovable. This belief will ultimately (and repeatedly) be noticeable. It will cause problems in those relationships, and it will absolutely undermine the strength of those relationships.

The emotional pain connected to feeling hated digs very deep within the core of the person. It is hard to battle on an intellectual level, and it penetrates into the deepest layers of the person’s being. The emotional wounding caused from feeling hatred is one of the most difficult traumas to heal. Layer upon layer of years of blame, guilt, shame make the self-hatred feel locked into place. It’s just soooo hard to feel differently.

But part of healing from trauma involves healing from that self-hatred. Survivors may not be able to change the behaviors and actions of their perpetrator parents or any other abusers that have acted criminally towards them, but survivors can learn to separate themselves from such hateful people. It will take working with all the parts of the internal system, but then again, remember that healing for all the inside parts is important.

Learn to separate who did what, and what belongs to whom. The person that committed the hateful acts is the creator of the hate. That negativity belongs to them. Hateful people can project their own feelings of hate onto anyone around them. As survivors become old enough to think through the emotional process of their abuse, they can begin to build emotional protection around those kinds of hateful attacks.

Let the hate belong to the ones that sent it. Don’t take it in, don’t claim it as yours, and don’t let it apply to yourself. Picture a strong emotional, spiritual shield around you, and let that protect you from the barbs of the haters. Hold tight to your own feelings of kindness, compassion, caring, gentleness, and know that your own ability to love and to connect are coming from a different place than hatred. Recognize that your ability to genuinely care for your loved ones is proof in itself that you are not to be hated or considered worthless. Your ability to feel genuine kindness, gentleness, patience, and compassion prove that you are a good person, completely different and separate from the haters.

The haters will always be haters. Unless they work on their own deep-seated self-hatred, they will always project hatred onto others.

But you don’t have to accept yourself as a rightful target of their hatred. You don’t have to be one of them. You don’t have to shove hatred in the face of everyone else, and you don’t have to internalize it within yourself. You can be different from that. Let the hatred belong to the ones that it came from. Give it back to the abusers and let them own it for themselves. Don’t contain that for them. You don’t have to accept their hatred as yours when it came from them.

Spend your time in life doing things that you enjoy and let you genuinely feel better about yourself. Connect with the people and animals that you care about, and build bigger boundaries and stronger separations from the people that treat you with hatred. Give positive time and pleasant experiences to the people around you, and let your own behaviors define who you are.

Be a good person, and let the very fact that you are choosing good, positive behaviors define to you that you are not that hated person you once felt you were.

If you want to be a good person, you can be. You are not who your haters say that you are. Let their nasty ways belong to them. You can be someone very different from them.

You can be as good of a person as you want to be. No one else gets to define you — the final word on who you are belong to you, and only you.

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By:

Kathy Broady LCSW

www.AbuseConsultants.com

www.SurvivorForum.com

May 17, 2009

CIA MIND CONTROL: Out Of Darkness Into The Light

Posted in DID Education, DID/MPD, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Family Members of Trauma Survivors, Friends of Multiples, Mind Control, Trauma, trauma therapist, United States of Tara tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , at 1:03 pm by Kathy Broady


I don’t typically use other web-sites as the source of my blog posts, but today I want to share some important information out there to my readers.   Survivors of mind control need the validation and encouragement that this Press Release gives.   I welcome discussions, questions and comments to the following information.

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http://www.goodkarmapr.com/press%20releases8/press%20releases8.htm

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CIA MIND CONTROL:
Out Of Darkness Into The Light

You are invited to a special public presentation
from two of the most successful U.S. government whistleblowers, Cathy O’Brien and Mark Phillips.

With celebrity guest Roseanne Barr
scheduled to appear!!

Also special guest speaker Colin A. Ross, M.D.
Internationally renowned clinician, researcher, author and lecturer in the field
of traumatic stress and trauma related disorders.
Dr. Ross is currently a consultant on the hit Showtime series
United States of Tara (1st season).

Friday June 5th, 2009
7PM – 10PM
Hollywood United Methodist Church
6817 Franklin Avenue (at Highland Ave.)
Hollywood, CA 90028

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OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE!!

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Government Whistleblowers, Trauma Recovery Expert and Roseanne Barr to Speak Out Against Torture and Mind Control

Cathy O’Brien and Mark Phillips will be joined by Dr. Colin Ross (an expert on clinically diagnosing and treating trauma based personality disorders) and TV legend Roseanne Barr at a speaking event in Los Angeles on June 5th.

Los Angeles, CA (PRWEB) May 11, 2009 – As the issue of torturing individuals held in detention facilities plays out in the news media, two of the most successful whistleblowers are speaking out on how CIA programs such as MK-ULTRA actually involved torturing U.S. citizens, our allies citizens and how these heinous atrocities were allowed to continue under the 1947 National Security Act.

Cathy O’Brien was a White House/Pentagon level MK-ULTRA mind control victim, who claims torture was used on her to fragment her personality to make her forget secrets and criminal covert operations she had been forced to participate in over a thirty year period. “Many of the same criminals in control of the government today were in control of me,” Cathy says. “And they are acutely aware that torture and trauma causes humankind to forget.”

Cathy adds, “Now that torture is finally a predominant political issue, the reality of how it’s actually being used continues to be kept from the public by those in control of the government and corporate media. Those who control information control knowledge, which in turn controls the thoughts, perceptions, opinions, and actions of those they inform.”

What about the argument that torture is justified as a means to extract information? Cathy says, “Considering today’s technological advancements, pharmaceuticals, computerization, and classified mind manipulating weaponry, it’s clear to see that torture is not only archaic, but is actually a diversionary issue from more prevalent forms of mass mind manipulation being used on the human population.”

Cathy was rescued in 1988 by Mark Phillips, a U.S. Intelligence insider knowledgeable on CIA mind-control techniques who acted after he was told by a Chinese Intelligence officer that Cathy and her then eight-year-old daughter, Kelly, were mind-controlled slaves of the U.S. government. Mark says that the super secret technology used on Cathy, Kelly and others is an, “evolved system of remote human physical and psychological manipulation that has only recently been officially recognized by accredited mental health physicians for what it is – absolute mind control.”

Cathy and Mark circumvented the news media’s blackout on their case with the greatest true life love story of extraction and recovery from the CIA ‘s mind control project ever told.

You can hear their story along with a discussion on the issue of torture at an event called “CIA Mind Control: Out Of Darkness, Into the Light” which will be held on Friday June 5th, 2009 in Hollywood. The event begins at 7PM at Hollywood United Methodist Church located at 6817 Franklin Avenue (at Highland Ave.).

For more info call 805-653-1588 or visit GoodKarmaPR.com.

A portion of the proceeds go to Children of the Night, a non profit that rescues children from the ravages of prostitution and domination of pimps.

Joining Cathy and Mark will be Dr. Colin Ross, a globally recognized expert on trauma related disorders and author of “The CIA Doctors: Human Rights Violations by American Psychiatrists.” Dr. Ross provides proof, based on 15,000 pages of documents obtained from the CIA through the Freedom of Information Act, that there have been pervasive, systematic violations of human rights by American psychiatrists over the last 65 years. As well, he proves that the Manchurian Candidate “super spy” is fact, not fiction. He describes CIA documented experiments by psychiatrists to create amnesia, new identities, hypnotic access codes, and implanting new memories in the minds of experimental subjects.

Also scheduled to appear is comedian Roseanne Barr. In addition to being a champion for the rights of abused children everywhere, she was treated by Dr. Colin Ross for DID recovery.

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ABOUT THE SPEAKERS & ORGANIZERS

Cathy O’Brien is a fully rehabilitated US Government White House/Pentagon level mind control survivor whose testimony for the US Congressional Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence Oversight was censored for so-called “Reasons of National Security”. Upon the advice of an attorney in 1995, this testimony was released en masse in book form, aptly entitled TRANCE Formation of America, to bring truth to light and survive whistle blowing on US Government tortures. Despite media censorship and death threats and attempts, these proven, documented facts have now reached over 48 countries, been licensed and translated into 8 languages, and are in major universities worldwide such as the Oxford Law Library.

Mark Phillips is a native of Nashville, Tennessee. For nearly 30 years he was a highly successful marketing and advertising executive for two airlines and a medical equipment manufacturing company. While he lacks the published academic credentials as a scholar, professional writer, or mental health physician he is recognized internationally by mental health and law enforcement professionals as a credible authority on the secret science concerning external control of the mind. Throughout his career he also held a DoD issued Top Secret Security clearance as he was exposed to various classified behavioral modification projects. Mark was required to sign an oath of secrecy. To this day he’s restricted by sedition laws from revealing certain specific still classified details that directly relates to his employment.

Roseanne Barr’s creation and portrayal of Roseanne Conner on ABC’s Roseanne has been hailed as “the most ground breaking kitchen-sink sitcom since All in the Family, (Entertainment Weekly)” adding, “She’s the funniest disturber of peace that we have.” In 1998, she hosted her own talk show, The Roseanne Show, for two seasons. Currently, she speaks truth to power at her website and blog RoseanneWorld.com and can be heard Wednesdays at 5PM PT on Pacifica Radio’s KPFK 90.7FM. She also has a Sunday radio show at KCAARadio.com and a program on Free Speech TV called Tipping Point. She is proud to work with organizations such as ACORN and Children of the Night.

Dr. Colin Ross is an internationally renowned clinician, researcher, author and lecturer in the field of traumatic stress and trauma related disorders. He’s the founder and president of the Colin A. Ross Institute for Psychological Trauma and is the Executive Medical Director of three trauma programs located in Dallas, Texas – Grand Rapids, Michigan – and Torrance, California. Dr. Ross has written extensively on the subject of dissociation and trauma. His latest books include The Trauma Model: A Solution to the Problem of Comorbidity in Psychiatry and Schizophrenia: Innovations in Diagnosis and Treatment. He is a member of the American Psychiatric Associations and the Int’l Society for the Study of Traumatic Stress, and is currently a consultant on the hit Showtime series United States of Tara (1st season).

Children of the Night is a private, non-profit, tax-exempt organization founded in 1979 that is dedicated to assisting children between the ages of 11 and 17 who are forced to prostitute on the streets for food to eat and a place to sleep. Since 1979 Children of the Night has rescued girls and boys from prostitution and the domination of vicious pimps. This much needed organization provides all programs with the support of private donations.

Good Karma PR is a small public relations firm dedicated to helping promote the works of those individuals and organizations that are doing something good for the world. Good Karma PR has worked with; Roseanne Barr, Cynthia McKinney For President, Ed Asner, John Trudell, Dr. Steven Jones, William Rodriguez, Architects & Engineers for 9/11 Truth, Clifford Carnicom and Dr. Gwen Scott ND. They’ve also helped launch films such as America: Freedom to Fascism, Washington You’re Fired and The Elephant in the Room.

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