September 10, 2012

Parts or Peoples?

Posted in DID Education, DID/MPD, Dissociative Identity Disorder tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , at 10:59 pm by Kathy Broady


Hi Everyone,

Recently, I had a conversation asking the question whether the insiders in a dissociative system should be called parts or people.  And now, after recently reading Insomniac’s cute comment to me about that very same topic, I’ve decided to make a quick, informal post about it.  I’m interested in hearing what the rest of you think about this topic.

Of course, the official “politically correct” term is probably parts.  Well, maybe it’s still “officially” supposed to be alters, but yuck.  Personally, I really dislike the term alters, and I really don’t use it often – it’s not a comfortable term in my opinion.  Nope.  It has too many other implications for me, and I just don’t go there very often.  But the word parts – that one I have used many times.

However….  It is true, that when I get to know people with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID / MPD), and I get to know their insiders, those inside people become exactly that to me — people.  DID people are people with a lot of people.  I don’t see the insiders as “parts” anymore.  I see them, experience them, interact with them, relate to them, remember them, refer to them just like they are people in their own right.  Real people.  Not a part of one someone.  A group of individual someones.

For right, or for wrong – that is how it feels.

I realize this is probably not at all the expected “mental health professional” stance on describing dissociative systems.  It’s not an intellectual approach.  This is a statement about what the experience is like for me when I meet you all.

So yes, to me, insiders are like people.  They are people that share a body, but they are people, many of whom are easily recognized as their own person within the group of people.

Inside people very much have their own voice.  They have their own presentation, their own thoughts, beliefs, memories, feelings, body sensations, facial gestures, perceptions, clothing, jobs, etc etc.  They can each make the same body look very different (that’s so fascinating to me!).  They have their own eyes, their own way of sitting, their own way of walking.  They have their own way of speaking and their own way of writing.  They become their own selves.  And in a way that they are not parts of any one someone, but more like they are important members of a group.

Groups are one, but the groups are filled full of lots of different individuals.  Each of these individuals will have their own unique reason for being part of the group, and the whole of the group is completely flavored by the individuals that belong to it.

It is amazing to me that there are such differences between the people in a dissociative system.  I realize that many of these differences are probably related to the differing demands being placed on the person as a whole at the time of creating each specific new insider, including some not-so-happy reasons to need to be somebody else.  However, the basic ability to become somebody else (even to pretend to be somebody else) has got to be an incredible talent in itself – I know I can’t do that very well (and yes, I have tried, funny enough.  I guess that’s why I’m not a Hollywood actress, lol.)

My hat is off to dissociative people who have created and developed highly sophisticated life skills at being different people.

It’s a rather awesome ability, if you ask me.

Warmly,

Kathy

Copyright © 2008-2012 Kathy Broady and Discussing Dissociation

June 17, 2012

Three Difficult Scenarios involving Fathers

Posted in Child Alters, Depression, DID Education, DID/MPD, Dissociative Identity Disorder, emotional pain, Family Members of Trauma Survivors, Physical Abuse, Self Injury, sexual abuse, Trauma tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , at 10:44 am by Kathy Broady


It’s Father’s Day, 2012.

Fathers.  Fathers are as difficult a topic for dissociative trauma survivors as mothers.

I decided I would recognize this day by writing briefly about a few of the common but complicated topics connected to fathers.

I can feel the shuddering going on already.

How difficult are these situations for you?
.

A.  Saying no to your father

According to childhood rules, it’s really not allowed, typically, for DID survivors to even consider saying no to their father.  It’s a scary topic.  This is a “rule” that gets taught very early on, and takes years of time to challenge.  All too often, this very idea is tied to trauma, and abuse, and a whole lot of fear.

And yet, it really is okay, especially as you become an adult yourself, to make your own decisions about your life, and about what you’ll do (or not do).  The older you are, the less say-so that your father should have in terms of making the rules for your life.  Easily said, but oh so very difficult to do, especially if you have the type of father that doesn’t want to relinquish that position of power and authority.

But still, your life belongs to you, and at some point, it really is okay to claim that for yourself.  You don’t have to believe what your father believed.  You don’t have to spend your life following his rules or his directions.  You don’t have to put his teachings above what you want to decide for yourself.  It is okay, and important, for you to become your own person, and to establish your own sense of self separate from your father.  To do this, means that at some point in time, you will likely have to say “No” to your father and his preferences.

For many trauma survivors, the healing process is very dependent on you gaining more separation from your father, and being able to make decisions about your life based on what you think, not on what your father thinks.

.

B. Having an Abusive Father

What about the trauma survivors whose fathers were their perpetrators?

What is your father is still one of your perpetrators?

Boy oh boy, it’s very difficult to think anything positive about Father’s Day when your father was (or is) one of your abusers.  It becomes a day of pain, heartache, body memories, flashbacks, fear, and anxiety.  Trauma city!

Being hurt, betrayed, and abused by either of your parents creates some of the deepest wounds, and some of the deepest splits within the dissociative system.  There will often be parts in your system that completely agreed with and supported and even helped the father carry out abuse to various people in your system.  There will be others in your system that were and probably still are terrified of the father.  There will be others in your system that have absolutely no awareness of any abuse done by the father, and will defend his innocence with a vengeance.  There could be others in your system that don’t even know that the father was their father – they will see him as some generic “man” that hurt them.  There could also be others in your system that only remember the father as a good man, a decent person, a fun and caring person, a good man in the community, and any other variety of being good, just, and kind.

Having such extreme and varied views and experiences with the father creates a ton of internal conflict, making the necessity of splitting into different selves much more understandable.  Having different parts, each containing their own experiences, and then keeping these parts separated from each other, is often an effort to minimize the turmoil caused by loving / hating / fearing / admiring the same person.  It makes sense.  How else would someone manage all the extremes?
.

C. Being Abandoned by your Father

What about the fathers that simply abandoned their children?

This is a painful topic as well.  It leads to feelings of nothingness, low self-esteem, anger, self-destruction, and confusion.  Not having a father creates a hole in the heart – an emptiness that just doesn’t go away.  To become used to this emptiness can create a type of apathy towards people that can lead to other types of problems in life and relationships.  It can lead to addictive behaviors – drinking, drugging, sexual promiscuity – and any other behavior that tries to mask pain with impulsive “I want to feel good” options.

It’s almost impossible to understand how a father could leave you without struggling with thoughts about “am I bad?” or “it must be my fault” or “I made him go away”.  Children internalize blame onto themselves, and many dissociative survivors grow far into adulthood before becoming able to shift this responsibility back onto the father instead of absorbing it into themselves.  Not taking the blame for your father’s poor behavior is an important task in the healing journey.
.
.

Father issues are not simple, and yet, very often, for trauma survivors, sorting out your father issues are very central to your healing.  It’s difficult to understand or choose or create healthy family relationships when your whole life experience has been with a dysfunctional or abusive father.  Fathers, even the absentee fathers, are very prominent in shaping your very sense of yourself.  Your father isn’t nobody.  He has had some very significant impact on your life.

When you were a child, you had very little say so about that.

Now, when you are older, and more adult, and more resourceful for yourself, now you can make new decisions that can redefine that relationship and its impact on you and your life, and the lives of your insiders.

Even if it is scary to address these topics, for your own healing, your health, and your well-being, it’s essential that you do.

I wish you the best in your healing journey.

Warmly,

Kathy

Copyright © 2008-2012 Kathy Broady and Discussing Dissociation

May 19, 2012

Maizy’s Go Away or Fly Away Kind of Day

Posted in Child Alters, DID Education, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Stories for Child Insiders, Therapy Homework Ideas tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 10:36 pm by Kathy Broady


Maizy is a quiet little cow.  She talks when she wants to, but that’s not very often.

Maizy doesn’t like noise, and she doesn’t like crowds, and she doesn’t like bunches of people everywhere near and around.

Maizy isn’t that sure about people – she only likes one or two people, here and there.  And even then, she’s not completely sure.  People are not her favorite.

Mostly, Maizy likes her own space.

She likes to feel safe, and she likes to have plenty of distance away from the threat of anyone coming near.  For Maizy, space equals safety.  She knows she will be ok if no one is nearby.

Maizy likes anything that reminds her of unruffled freedom.  She likes to watch birds fly in the air.  She likes to watch horses run across fields.  She likes to see puppies play and ducks swim in ponds and butterflies fluttering around.

Maizy also likes to watch kites flying in the sky.  Kites up in the sky are very peaceful.  They blow back and forth, floating and looking, and enjoying their own space up and away from everybody else.  Kites get to see all kinds of things, and they get to lift up and away from the noise of the world.  And kites come in all colors, and all shapes, and sizes, and there is no such thing as a bad kite or a wrong kite.  Kites are just fun.  Maizy loves kites!  

But today, Maizy has a dilemma.  Oh dear, oh dear.

Maizy heard about a kite day.  On this kite day, all kinds of kites were going to go to the park and fly high in the air.  There were going to be box kites, and round kites, and home-made kites, and tiger kites, and fish kites, and heart kites, and circle kites, and bear kites, and mermaid kites, and turtle kites, and rainbow kites.  There were so many different kites coming to kite day that Maizy could hardly decide which ones to watch!  Maizy was so excited!

A Fly-in-the-Sky-like-a-Kite Day all day would be perfect!

So what was the problem?

The problem, for Maizy, is that the kites came with oodles and gobs of people.  People!  Yuck!  Maizy is not a fan of people!  Maizy wanted to see the kites, but she didn’t want to see the people!  If only the kites could fly by themselves over to the kite park…

Oh dear, oh dear.  What was Maizy going to do?

Instead of feeling happy, Maizy was feeling very cranky.  She was upset.  She was angry.  She did not want those noisy scary people to mess up her wonderful Fly-in-the-Sky-like-a-Kite Day!

She stomped her foot.

“Go away, people!”

She stomped all four of her feet.

“Go away, go away, go away, go away!  Don’t mess up my wonderful Fly-in-the-Sky-like-a-Kite Day!”

But the people did not go away.

In fact, more and more people came.  More and more of them!

Maizy had to stop and think.  She couldn’t make all the people go away.  As much she may have wanted to, she just wouldn’t be able to do it. There were just too many of them, of all shapes and sizes.  There were as many people as there were kites.  Maybe more!  Those noisy people were just everywhere!

Would they bother her?
Would they hurt her?
Would they leave her alone?
Would they be kind to her?

Maizy had to make a decision.  She really wanted to go see those beautiful kites, but she would have to be super duper brave to be near all those people.  Hmmmm….

What was a Maizy to do…

Ok. Well. Hmmmm….

She thought and she thought and she thought.

A Fly-in-the-Sky-like-a-Kite Day all day really would be a really fun thing to do. 

She really didn’t want to miss it.  She had already missed out on too many fun things because she was afraid to be around people.

Hmmmmmm…..

Maizy finally decided she could be brave.

Maizy knew that while some people had been very mean to her in the past, she knew that some people could be nice.

She knew that she couldn’t always believe the worst about everyone.

Maizy knew that a whole bunch of people would probably walk right past her, and not really interact with her at all.  Maizy liked that.  She liked to be ignored by strangers.  She was plenty happy for people to stay involved in their own lives and to leave her alone.  Maybe just maybe she could quietly watch the kites from her own little spot, and not mingle with anyone else.  She wouldn’t have to look at anyone.  She wouldn’t have to talk to anyone. She could just look at the kites.

Maizy knew she didn’t have to miss out on fun stuff just because she didn’t like to be around people.

If she stayed mostly quiet to herself, and if she was polite to anyone she decided to speak to, Maizy figured that there was a very good chance that she could navigate her kite party without any big problems happening.

Maybe, just maybe, she could go see the kites and not be bothered or hurt by anyone at all.

And maybe just maybe, Maizy could have fun at her wonderful Fly-in-the-Sky-like-a-Kite Day!

Maizy by a circle kite.

Maizy having fun by kite feathers.

.

Maizy enjoying her wonderful kite day!

Maizy with a green kite!

Maizy watching a bear kite!

Copyright © 2008-2012 Kathy Broady and Discussing Dissociation

May 16, 2012

A Painful Mother’s Day – the Cards Not Written

Posted in Depression, Dissociative Identity Disorder, emotional pain, Family Members of Trauma Survivors, Prevention of Sexual Abuse, Self Injury, sexual abuse, Trauma tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , at 4:33 am by Kathy Broady


Last week, I couldn’t find the words to write about the struggles that so many dissociative survivors have on Mother’s Day.

In response to that, a dissociative survivor emailed me, and has given me permission to post their thoughts about the painful side of Mother’s Day.

Maybe you will relate to these difficult thoughts and painful feelings.

.

Every year on Mother’s Day we as a society get inundated with movies about mothers, sappy Hallmark card Mother’s Day commercials, endless rounds of advertisements on ways you can show your mother that you love her by buying her something.  On Mother’s Day many churches do tributes to moms – handing out charm bracelets, giving out flowers, and preaching sermons about how families are wonderful things to have and how you need to be so thankful to your mother for raising you and putting up with you.  Mothers are celebrated as though motherhood is the be all and end all of existence.  It’s required that you show appreciate to your mom, grow up to be a fantastic mother, or show tribute to all the mother figures in your life.

But what if Mother’s Day is just full of pain?

What if just the thought of your own mom brings on fear and anxiety, or what if you have lost a child, or what if you are unable to have children, or what if you don’t even want children of your own?  What if while reading praises about other people’s lovely mothers just brings you to tears filled with jealousy or an aching in your heart?  Or what if thinking about your own mom doesn’t conjured up love, but perhaps obligation or hate or even terror?

This is side to Mother’s Day that just doesn’t get discussed very often.

If you’re blessed to have a good mother, that’s wonderful.  But not everyone wants to hear about it – especially on Mother’s Day.  The day brings up too many intense feelings, especially if you want to be a mom but cannot be, or your mother hurt you, or your mom has died.

There are mothers out there for whom you can’t find just the right Hallmark card.  “Thank you for being such a precious mom who I am so grateful for” just doesn’t cut it.  How about cards that say “You were never there for me.”  Or how about “Thanks for never stopping dad / your boyfriend / your brother from molesting me in the bedroom next to yours.”  Or what about “I know you never even wanted me.” Or perhaps, “I never even knew you.”  Instead of thankfulness and love and gratitude, there should be cards that express fear, anger, stress, and hurt.

Instead of spending Mother’s Day taking your mom out to dinner and to the spa, some people spend it curled up on the couch, just trying to survive the day.  Some spend the day trying to cope with flashbacks; giving into painful behaviors such as cutting or over-eating; feeling lost and very, very alone.  Some people spend the day aching over the grief for children they can’t have, for the mom they always wanted but don’t feel like they deserved.

What if Mother’s Day is one of the worst days of the year for you?

What do you do then while it seems that everyone else in the world is celebrating?

.

Ouch.

Well said.  That is exactly the kind of emotional pain I was thinking about, but said so much better by this trauma survivor.  Their pain is palpable.

How do you relate to these words?

How would you answer these difficult questions?

How difficult was your Mother’s Day?

And what ideas do you have for Mother’s Day cards that haven’t yet been written?

.

Copyright © 2008-2012 Kathy Broady and Discussing Dissociation

May 1, 2012

Integration – A New Category and Nine Quick Opinions

Posted in DID Education, DID/MPD, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Integration - yes or no, Internal Communication, mental health tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , at 2:39 am by Kathy Broady


Hello Everyone,

I hope you are doing well today.

This will be a short post, but I made an important update to the Discussing Dissociation blog and wanted to be sure that you all knew about it.

I have been asked repeatedly about my views on integration.  I’ve written posts and comments about this topic, but unfortunately, I didn’t create a “category” for these posts. So now, with the 170+ articles on this blog, these posts and comments are difficult to find.  Of course!  This means it’s time to simplify this topic search for everyone, and to make it simpler for the Discussing Dissociation readers to find these blog articles.

If you look on the right side of this page, scroll down until you see the Categories drop-down box.  I’ve added the category “Integration – yes or no” to this feature.

This drop-box will link you to here.

I’m assuming, in all my many blatherings on this blog that I’ve made more comments about integration than just what is written in these two blog articles.  However, this link is a good start. If anyone finds comments about integration in other articles, please let me know, so I can be sure to add that article to the category list as well.

In case you don’t have time to read the other articles at the moment, I’ll give you a quick summary of what I think about integration right here in this post.

.

Quick Thoughts about Integration – Kathy Broady’s Opinions:

.

Is integration necessary?  
Absolutely not.

Is integration beneficial?  
I doubt it.

Is integration the ultimate peak / proof of healing for dissociative trauma survivors?  
Not at all.

Does integration need to be your treatment goal?  
Not unless you say so.  I wouldn’t ever ever make it a treatment goal for any of my clients.

If integration is not the treatment goal, what is?
Team work.  Lowering the dissociative walls between internal people.  Internal communication.  Talking together.  Not hiding information from each other.  Building trust and genuine relationships within your system. Learning to genuinely love and care for each other.

Do you, Kathy, think that integration is possible?  
Honestly?  Not really.  Not complete and “total” integration.  I have not yet met anyone who integrated in such a way that they stayed integrated permanently for the rest of their life.  I have not even met anyone that I would say has been integrated successfully for years of time.  I have heard the stories of many such claims, and met some of these people, but in my opinion, none of the “integrated” people that I have ever talked with were able to literally demonstrate true integration.  They were still very multiple in oh so many ways.

I’m not convinced that a person who has lived most of their entire life as a multiple can literally change their brain in such ways to become a singleton.  Besides, what would be the point anyway?

Do you think that blending is possible?
Yes, absolutely.  To me, blending and coming closely connected together in a co-conscious ways are very different from integration.  Blending does not imply a complete union of absolutely everyone.  It is perfectly natural, normal, and healthy for some of the splits to become more blended together, especially those parts that are already very close to each other.  If their blending happens naturally, that is great.  You cannot force blending to happen, and it doesn’t happen instantly.  It is a very gradual process that happens over years of excellent therapy, healing work, and genuine external safety.  If there is any kind of “forcing” or demanded blending under duress or coercion or deception, you can bet that those insiders will step back and separate again in the not so distant future.

Do you think that integration keeps you safe?
Ummmm…. No.   In fact, I think that claims of integration can lead to the very opposite of safety.   Why?  Because I think that real and genuine integration so very rarely happens (if ever), that when someone begins to believe that they are integrated, this is the beginning of some really dangerous times.  This typically means, in my experience, that some of the top layers of the system may have blended together, and/or learned how to work well together, but the darker under-layers of the system have hidden behind very thick dissociative walls.  This is extremely dangerous because the dark parts are able to function without being noticed, and the top layers of the system are too busy being proud or protective of their integration and/or completely absorbed in their outside lives that they don’t notice the dark rumblings behind the wall.

Do you think that integrated multiples are safe leaders for other dissociative survivors?
No.  Not that I have seen.  In my opinion, it is much more likely that the alleged “integrated multiple” has very neatly hidden or shoved away their dark sides, even if they do not realize  this.  All the claims in the world of being integrated do not actually make someone integrated.

In fact, following the leadership of someone who alleges to be an “integrated multiple” can be extremely dangerous for others, especially for those who are newer in their healing process.  You would be safer to run 100 miles in the other direction than to assume that an integrated multiple is “automatically” a safe person.

I know many of you will not like these statements, and it is ok if you disagree.  I am not meaning to offend you.  We each have our own opinion and our own experiences in life.  Let me repeat this, because it is so very important.   In my years of experience, “integrated multiples” have more often than not been used as lures, and in reality, they are people who have not completed  HUGE areas of work, and they are not automatically “safe” people.  Going further into this topic  is an entirely different blog post, but in my opinion, there is a whole whopping lot of danger in this area.  PLEASE be careful when you meet an “integrated multiple”.

I am very aware that there are many multiples who have had spiritually-based integrations.  That is yet another complicated topic, to be discussed at another time.

Ok – this was going to be short (and of course, it’s not short!!), so I’ll stop at this point.  I can feel the waters already getting stirred out there.  Ah well.  What is life without controversy, yes?

IF I thought integration was a great thing, I would certainly say so.  I just haven’t seen it as such.

What about you?

Do you have any comments about integration?

Warmly,

Kathy

Copyright © 2008-2012 Kathy Broady and Discussing Dissociation

April 25, 2012

Pictures From You that Make You Smile

Posted in Child Alters, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Puppies, Stories for Child Insiders, Therapy Homework Ideas tagged , , , , , , , at 10:35 pm by Kathy Broady


I’m already getting several responses to Just for FUN! article, so I am going to begin to post them.  It’s not too late to keep sending more.  Your smile moments are important too.

Oh Oliver! He really likes his chewy toy and his blanket. :

First, I have to include little Oliver in this blog.  He has had other appearance before, but Emma has been getting a little more showtime than poor Oliver.  Ollie won’t stand for that!  So here are some wonderful pictures of Oliver as well.

Oliver loves his toys.  He chews and chews on his toys until he wears himself out, and then he sleeps and sleeps, sometimes snoring VERY loudly.

Oliver really likes his blanket.  He walks round and round, wrapping himself up all snuggly and warm, finding the perfect spot to be tucked in nicely with his blanket.  When it’s cold, he cuddles up all the way underneath his blanket.  Ollie Boy knows how to take good gentle care of himself!

Funny Oliver, playing again.

In this picture, Oliver is asking to play a good ol’ game of tug o’ war, one of his favorites!

Do you see his soft floppy ears, his pretty big eyes, and his tiny little feet?

Wouldn’t you want to play with Oliver if he came up to you, pleading with those big ol’ eyes?!

How could you ever say no to a game with sweet Oliver?

.

And on to other pictures that are fun to see, pictures sent in from some of you that have been reading this blog.

A little tiny frog sitting on one finger. How sweet!

Here's little Bristol. Isn't she just adorable?

” This is “Bristol”.  She is 1 and a half.  And when I’m sad, she won’t let me be alone & sad for long.  She brings one of her toys to me & insists that I play.  If I don’t … she licks my tears till I giggle.  Dogs are just the BEST!  And we have another FUN thing we are going to do when we feel better … we are going to make her hair & her tail PURPLE!  LOL  Yep!  We have the stuff just waiting.  :)   Just for Fun!  Will send another picture when that happens.  :) “

Belle in her fun sweater

” This is our dog “Belle”.  When she got a haircut she was cold – so we got her this funky sweater ‘Just for Fun’.  It makes us smile & Belle is our most loyal dog friend.  She is 11 years old. “

Cupi Doll, very old for a puppy, but very sweet

” This is “Cupi Doll”.  Cupi is VERY loving.  That’s how she got her name.  She is our Grandma’s dog but she lives with us.  She is old like our Grandma & we can take very good care of her.  She is almost 14.  She waddles over about every hour for a good belly rub & lovin.  She also has very loud umm (farts).  :)   So that makes us laugh a lot.  :)   LOL “

.

.

Sir Nick, the monkey. Very cute!

 

 

” OK, so here we have Sir Nick my monkey that my therapist gave me for doing such good work – she brought it back from her vacation to me.”

baby lambkin, only 9 days old

.

.

.

.

.

.

” Then there is the 9 day old lamb I took a picture of in the farmer’s market :) so cute! “

.

.

.

.

These pictures look like lots of good memories!

Thank you for sharing them.

Warmly,

Kathy

Copyright © 2008-2012 Kathy Broady and Discussing Dissociation

April 24, 2012

Just for FUN!!

Posted in Child Alters, Depression, DID Education, DID/MPD, Dissociative Identity Disorder, emotional pain, Puppies, Stories for Child Insiders, Therapy Homework Ideas, trauma therapist tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , at 9:43 pm by Kathy Broady


All too often, the healing work for dissociative trauma survivors is so very heavy, and filled full of pain, heartbreak, struggles, anguish, horrors, fears, conflict, etc.  Too many days can too easily feel like the healing process is far too difficult to be worth it.  When it feels like that, it is really important to remember to take a few breaks from the hard stuff, and to save room for fun.  It’s like recognizing the “stop and smell the roses” idea.  Only for this, it’s about stopping to have some good times, or at least decent times, along the way.

Besides, all work and no play is just no fun!  And your inside kids, like all children, need time to play, and to laugh, and to enjoy life too.  And kids, even if your adults don’t realize it, they need time to play, and laugh, and smile, and to relax from all the stress they feel too.

So….. are you all ready to do something fun?   I know I am!

In honor of not having enough fun moments in our lives, I’ve decided to make a blog post dedicated to just fun things.  Just fun stuff!  No hard stuff.  No icky stuff.  Just FUN stuff!

And I would like your help to complete it.

Here’s what I have in mind.

I’m including some pictures in this blog that, for me, represent fun, good times, pleasant memories, and happy moments.  I hope some of these pictures bring a smile to your face.

I also want to invite you to send in pictures that represent those same kinds of feelings for you.

If you can post your pictures directly in your comment, that’s great.  (Being technically challenged, I am not sure if that can be done or not.)  Not to worry – I have a back-up plan in mind.  If the comment option does not allow for pictures to be shown in the comments, please feel free to email your pictures to me, along with any comments / explanatory notes that you would like attached to your pictures, and then I’ll post them in a separate blog article format.

Then we can all share in the fun stuff, which makes fun even more fun!

Please be sure that any pictures you send completely pass the “Just for FUN!” (a good, safe, happy kind of fun) project idea.

Please note: If anyone sends in spooky pictures, I’m not going to post them – because there is typically some not so funny someone who wants to spoil the fun – but for this exercise, no spookiness is allowed.  And yes, I get to be the judge on what looks too spooky and what doesn’t.

Yes, you can send in more than one picture if you would like to.

*** Please be sure that you have the rights to send in / have posted whatever picture you send.  If it specifically belongs to someone else, please don’t send it in as if it is yours.  Also, please don’t include pictures of other people that may not want their picture posted on a blog.  I am not interested in getting any kind of fussing going on.  So please, only send in pictures that are not a violation to anyone else, please and thank you. ***

The first two pictures I am including in this “Just for Fun!” Project were sent to me via email that was circulating around all over the place.  I don’t know who the photographer is, but they did a great job creating such fun pictures.  Enjoy!

How can you not smile when you see these beautiful little duckies in this picture?

.

Sweet little baby ducks - so cute!

.

And what a creative, fun picture this is!  Do you think it is real?  Or has it been photoshopped? Either way, it’s a great picture of an elephant having all kinds of fun.

.

ahhh.... the good life. :)

.
And now, on a more personal level, here’s a picture of Emma, trying to sit comfortably on a pillow.
I don’t know if she is comfy or not.  What do you think?
.

Emma! That's a funny way for a puggy to sit, Emma!

.

And last but not least, here is a picture of me with a cute little piggy I saw a few weeks ago.

Remembering a good day with a fun little pig.

This little piggy was only two months old, very tiny for a pig, but super fast and brimming full of energy. Absolutely darling, he was barely taller than my ankles, and one-third the size of Emma the puggy.  He would race around his little area, zipping here, zipping there, making all kinds of funny piggy noises.  I giggled and giggled as I watched him run, and heard him snort in all kinds of funny ways.  This little pig was simply the highlight of that morning, so I just had to include him today as a fond memory of a good time.

.

What kinds of fun pictures do you have that bring a smile to your face?

I’m looking forward to seeing them!

Happy smiles, everyone, :)

Kathy

Copyright © 2008-2012 Kathy Broady and Discussing Dissociation

April 22, 2012

Don’t Touch My Stuff !!

Posted in Compulsive Hoarding, Depression, DID Education, DID/MPD, Dissociative Identity Disorder, emotional pain, Hoarding, mental health tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , at 6:16 pm by Kathy Broady


Through the years, some of the most popular articles of the Discussing Dissociation blog has been about compulsive hoarding:  Compulsive Hoarding and Dissociative Disorders and Land of the Free?

I can’t explain their popularity on this blog, other than the way a rash of television programs have increased the awareness of the complications about hoarding. However, hoarding issues are typically accompanied by extreme anxiety, depression, isolation, family conflict, self-hatred, chaotic thinking, eating disorders and other problems also common with DID / MPD / trauma survivors.  Many emotional struggles are certainly not limited to the Dissociative population.  Hoarding is probably one of those disorders that the Dissociative community can potentially share with thousands of people more suited to other mental health communities.

It appears that hoarding is a much bigger issue than once officially recognized.  As a social worker who has done many home visits over a span of 25 years, I can say that I have seen hoarding issues repeatedly and yes, in my experience, hoarding is a consistent theme within various mental health populations, including dissociative trauma survivors.

How do we address these issues?
Does the professional “helping” community understand the depths of what is involved?
Do the mental health professionals really know what is needed?

On the various Hoarders shows that I’ve watched on television (such as “Hoarders” on A&E, and “Hoarding: Buried Alive” on TLC), most of these processes are expected to be completed within a matter of a few short days.  The interventions are quick, intense, and highly dramatic.  The hoarders have obvious struggles, and the gains made in their homes and living situations are typically significant and impressive, even if only one or two rooms demonstrate the successful changes.

Over the past few months, I’ve been thinking a lot about the groups of people that experience the anxiety, stress, distress, personal gains, relief, and emotional freedom from having professional organizers empty their houses.  There are many groups of people, in addition to the hoarder community, that may require assistance in emptying or reducing the amount of items located within a specific property or home.  These issues could surface in extremity, for example, after someone dies (especially when there is no one to inherit the stuff), or during a divorce settlement, or after a bankruptcy, or prior to moving to new home, or downsizing from a large home to a small home, or for any other reason people may decide to liquidate their possessions.

To me, just cleaning out a messy closet is a big job!  Emptying, or organizing an entire property is an enormous job! It’s an overwhelmingly huge job.

Recently, I hired some professional sales assistants to help me to downsize / sell many of the items from my home / office in order to prepare for a new phase of my life.  My children are grown up, and each has moved into their own homes as adults, giving me all kinds of options for what to do with the physical space that lives around me.  I don’t particularly like the “empty nest” phrase, and yet for the first time in dozens of years, I have more freedom to do whatever I want to do, wherever I decide to do it.  It’s exciting, and yet very weird feeling all at the same time. That’s all a long story, of course, and it has taken several months (years?!!) of hard work to sort through those kinds of things, including what to do with all the leftover “stuff” that everyone has grown out of.

I took weeks of time to pull out the cherished treasures I wanted to keep, and then left the rest for the organizers to pick through, and to present in the way they created a sale for the masses of people they invited to come dig through my things.  As much as I thought I had already selected my most important items, it was never that easy, or that clear.

“Wait!  Wait! Maybe I want to keep THAT afterall!”

Or, “Wait!  Where did you find that?  I didn’t SEE that before.  Give me that back!”

Or another rough part was seeing my things just tossed in the trash.  Can you believe that my favorite coffee cup ended up in the trash?!!  My FAVORITE one!  I thought I was going to have a melt down right then and there!

Breathe, Kathy, breathe!
Count to 10.
Ok, count to 100, lol.

The whole process was not anywhere near as fun as I had thought it might be.

In fact, it wasn’t fun at all.

It was really painful and horrible, to say the least.

And I chose to do it.  It wasn’t forced upon me.  It was MY IDEA.  ( yeesh, lol).

This changing, transitional experience has been much more complicated and emotional than I ever expected it to be, giving me all kinds of fodder for blog articles, and a much deeper understanding of the intensity felt by hoarders as they go through their housing changes.  Even though I had lots of time to prepare prior to my professional organizers arriving, and I was not forced into making these decisions in any way at all, I found myself having far more struggles, and feeling intense emotional turmoil, and frequently overwhelmed with memories (both good and bad) while sorting through the rooms of stuff.  Wow.  Yeeesh.  Gee Whillakers!  Jiminy Crickets!!  It was a much more difficult experience than I would have ever imagined it would be.

One thing is for sure.  For any television production company to expect to go through and toss away / give away 80 – 90 % of a hoarders belongings over a period of just a few days is just ridiculously cruel.  Most people — especially those that tend to be collectors in the first place — are not ready to let go with that much finality that quickly, or that easily.  There is no wonder the hoarders on the television shows have so many emotional outbursts – the whole process is set up exactly to create that kind of emotional conflict within them.  I suppose that makes for interesting television, but it is not very kind to the hoarder.

My experience of working with professional organizers also reminded me of some of the stories I have heard over and over from many of my clients with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID / MPD).  Let me ask you a few questions.  Can you relate to any of these experiences?

As children or teenagers, or even as adults, have you felt violated when your parents or caregivers or family members rifled through your belongings without your permission to do so?

How invasive did it feel to have people touching your things when they were not invited to do so?
How powerless did you feel to see this, and to know you couldn’t stop it from happening?

How did this affect your personal boundaries?
How did it affect your ability to feel like something – anything – belonged to you, and to only you?
How did it affect your privacy, or lack of having any privacy?

When your boundaries were disrespected and exploited, what did you to do cope with the feelings you had?

With whatever trauma and / or neglect you experienced in your life, did you develop a greater attachment and emotional connection to physical items and personal items as a way to bond with something / anything?  Or did the repeated violations leave you distanced and unattached to your personal items, able to easily walk off, staying coldly disconnected and apathetic to having anything of your own?

How would you feel if someone took your things from you?  Or if someone threw your favorite items in the trash?  Or if someone broke an item that you cherished?  Would you have an anxiety attack?  Would you be angry?  Would you withdraw inside, crashing into depression?  Would you find yourself switching from insider person to insider person?

Does it feel good and more under your own control to keep the amount of your personal belongings to a minimum?  Does that feel safer for you, or does that feel like deprivation?  Do you prefer to have bunches of things, feeling safer being surrounded by stuff?  Does having layers of stuff feel like layers of protection?

How do victims of floods, fires, tornadoes, and earthquakes, or other natural disasters feel after suddenly losing all of their stuff?  Even if they evacuated with a few things, how would it feel to lose so much, so quickly?

It is interesting to explore these questions with yourself.  If you aren’t sure what some of the answers would be, try creating the situation, and let yourself experience it first hand.  Experience having someone else / something else take your cherished items from you.  Chances are, many of you reading this blog have already experienced these situations in your life.  But if you haven’t experienced this, don’t judge other people’s reactions and their big feelings about having “house invaders” mess with their things.  These experiences are a lot more difficult than you might have ever realized.

It certainly was for me.

Kathy

Copyright © 2008-2012 Kathy Broady and Discussing Dissociation

April 8, 2012

Happy Easter – If not now, then soon.

Posted in DID/MPD, Dissociative Identity Disorder, emotional pain, mental health, Prevention of Sexual Abuse, Trauma tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , at 2:46 pm by Kathy Broady


Hello Everyone –

pretty flowers I found just walking around one spring day...

How are you?

I’ve had another few weeks of extremely limited internet time, but it is Easter weekend, and I wanted to come and say a quick hello to you all.

I am aware that this is a very difficult weekend for many of you….  “Happy Easter” is more of an oxymoron than a reality for all too many of you.

For those of you that relate to that, I want you to know that I am thinking of you, and remembering that you are having struggles.  And flashbacks.  And body memories.  And fights against worlds full of darkness, experiencing that conflict from both inside and out.

Please remember:  no matter what you’ve seen in your prior years of life, you don’t have to belong to or stay stuck in any of the dark worlds that you were shown or taken to by those who, at that time, had more power or authority than you.  This includes those of you that have been more familiar with worlds of darkness, and have always believed that you belonged there, and only there.

Even if that has been true for years of time, that does not have to stay true.

You don’t have to stay connected to worlds of darkness.  You can decide to do something different with your life.  They didn’t (and won’t) tell you that you can do something different with your life, but you can.  Even if they tell you that you can’t, that is not true.  You actually can.  Your life belongs to you, and only to you, and you can make decisions different from anything anyone else plans for you.

This time of year can be a time of new beginnings for you.

Easter, to me, is full of new beginnings.  Here in the USA, it is Spring – a time for new blossoms,  new buds, new leaves, new grass, and baby animals are everywhere.

I know that it takes a whole lot of courage to do completely different things with your life, but doing something new can be the beginning of freedom. It can be something beautiful, and it can be something of your own making.  It can be hard to change your life, but it can be wonderful and very much worth the effort it takes.

Instead of feeling trapped and weighed down by darkness, your life can be something you are happy about.  You can be genuinely content and happy with the places you are going in your life.  You can feel proud and pleased with your life.

If you are willing to do what it takes to make such big changes.  Change can be scary, but you can do it.  I know you can. Believe in yourself, and know that you are worth the effort.

So I wish you all a Happy Easter today.

If it’s not a Happy Easter just yet, have hope that one day, you too can have a happy day.

Warmly,

Kathy

Copyright © 2008-2012 Kathy Broady and Discussing Dissociation

March 17, 2012

Thanks Again, from Kathy Broady to You

Posted in Dissociative Identity Disorder, emotional pain, mental health, Puppies, trauma therapist tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , at 4:53 pm by Kathy Broady


WOW!

I don’t have any idea why this is the case, but this week, the Discussing Dissociation blog had it’s highest viewing day ever.  Ever!  Since the very beginning back in December 2008 ever!  The highest number of viewers in a single day. This week.

Wow, again!

Maybe Emma and Maizy are just that wonderful?  :)   They probably think they are.  I think they are too, but even so…  it surely can’t be just Emma and Maizy, lol.  Or is it??!

Whatever it is, and why-ever it happened, I appreciate the readers of this blog.  You’ve been a bright spot in my life, you’ve been encouraging and appreciative, and I thank you for the ways you all have had a positive influence on me.

My life has been in a huge transition in so many ways in 2011 and 2012, and as I’ve written before, sometimes I had connection with the internet, and sometimes not.  Despite my inability to be consistently available to anyone or anything this past year – especially with my web people — the fact that the readers of this blog have continued to be here, and remained supportive, kind, and dedicated has truly been a blessing to my life.

I have all kinds of ideas, hopes, and dreams about where to go and what to do with this blog in future months / years.  As per usual, I have far more creative ideas than I could ever accomplish in one lifetime, so we’ll see how many of my new ideas I actually get done.  The point being, there is a lot of good ahead.  That’s how I view life.  No matter how many difficulties have happened in the past, there are so many positive and beautiful options ahead.

I know that the readers of Discussing Dissociation are not strangers to rough years, difficult times, intense pain, heartbreak, loss, grief, illness, conflict, and death.  I know you all are more than familiar with the dark overbearing powers of the world, and the overwhelming heaviness of trauma, abuse, and cruelty.  You all have seen more horrors than I can shake a stick at, and still you persevere, and grow, and heal, and progress in life.

THAT is amazing.  Even Maizy thinks so. :)

So many of you are an inspiration to me.  So many of you have been a shining light in the midst of the most horrible storms.  You have an inner strength and beauty that cannot be squished or squashed or squelched no matter how much torment and evil you have seen.

THAT is an inspiration to me.

So thank you.  Thank you for staying true to yourselves.  Thank you for staying true to your healing.  Thank you for staying invested in the good sides of life.  And thank you for standing by me while I have been here, there, and everywhere.  (My current bouncing schedule isn’t quite over yet, unfortunately, but I know that some things are resolving little bit by little bit.)

And thank you, again, for reading this blog.

You are very much appreciated.

Warmly…

Kathy with Emma and Maizy

Kathy with Emma and Maizy

Copyright © 2008-2012 Kathy Broady and Discussing Dissociation

Previous page · Next page

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,253 other followers