March 31, 2013
Pinwheels to Prevent Child Abuse
Hey Everyone –
I received an email about this, and wanted to pass along the news to you as well.
On April 16, 2013, at 9 am, Prevent Child Abuse America will be making a dramatic visual statement in New York City. In their words, they are turning the “Big Apple” into the “Big Pinwheel” by displaying around 5000 pinwheels in Times Square.
The pinwheel is the new national symbol for child abuse prevention. They have chosen the pinwheel as a way of saying all children deserve a bright future.
I certainly agree that all children should have a safe, happy, and bright future. Child abuse creates so much long-term damage, so much unnecessary pain, so many horrors that last and last and last…. It really irritates me that there are adults in the world who feel “entitled” to abuse children. It’s such a nasty horrific crime to beat and abuse and terrify little children. How dare they be so cruel. I completely despise perpetrators who believe this to be an acceptable way of life.
And yes, far too much child abuse happens in the world, so I applaud those who are working hard to take a stand against it.
Unfortunately, I won’t be able to be in NYC on April 16, but I can imagine that it will be absolutely beautiful in Times Square. If someone gets to be there, please be sure to take pictures! It will be very sparkly, very twinkly, very colorful, I’m sure.
Please remember — the spinning and reflective flashing of the lights and colors from the pinwheels may be a little triggering for some of you with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID / MPD), so if you go, please be sure that you are safe enough to handle that much visual intensity all at once. Work with your system ahead of time so they can know what you will be seeing and why you are looking at it. Fast moving lights and colors are commonly used in various mind control abuse techniques, so if you are sensitive to these types of triggers, please be careful.
You can learn more about this national event at Pinwheels for Prevention at http://www.pinwheelsforprevention.org .
(Photo courtesy of Prevent Child Abuse West Virginia.)
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* What are your thoughts about this particular event?
* What does a pinwheel mean to you?
* Do you like the choice of a pinwheel being used as the national symbol for child abuse prevention?
* Would you like to be there, if you could?
* What are your thoughts about child abuse prevention?
Your thoughts and comments are appreciated, as always.
Warmly,
Kathy
Copyright (C) 2008 – 2013 Kathy Broady and Discussing Dissociation
March 29, 2013
Easter Weekend: Sorting through the Layers Within
Hello Everyone,
It’s the Easter weekend — a complicated and conflictual weekend for most dissociative trauma survivors. So many layers of your inside levels will be awakened, aware, involved, wondering, waiting, going, sitting, thinking, watching, feeling, remembering, refusing, believing, fighting, crying, calling, hiding, etc. Its a time of being pulled in dozens of different directions all at once.
Lots of headaches, that’s what that means.
And lots of pain. Ouch, ouch, ouch.
So yes… I am thinking of you all, and wishing peace for you. I know it’s difficult. Really difficult.
The Easter season is typically overloaded with the triggers, external pulls, family complications, and spiritual battles. The inside battle within your system may be raging at full intensity.
As best you can, remember to sit with each other, and learn what you can about the others that you see nearby. What struggles are they having? What thoughts are in their mind? What feelings do they hold? What feelings do they avoid?
Is there anything you can do to help them? What can you do to give them comfort? What can you do to make the struggle less sharp? How can you keep your system safe, both on the inside and outside?
Intense weekends such as this are usually heavily overloaded with information, from your past and maybe in your present. These are things you need to know. It’s from your life, and you can know what you and your insiders have been through. You are allowed now. It’s ok to know. It’s good to know, even when it’s difficult to know.
For many of you, just making it through alive and well is the goal. Self-injury may seem like the “best option”, but it really doesn’t help in the long-run. Look for other options to handle this time of stress. Read through the bunches of articles here that give other options to consider. The intensity of what you are feeling will gradually subside… You don’t have to cut or purge it away. It’s ok to feel what you feel. Your feelings belong to you — you are allowed now to have them.
For others of you, you may feel solid enough to use this time to make headway in reaching others in your system who are struggling more than you. It can be painful to hear and connect with the trauma memories held by many in your system, but it really is ok to remember what has happened in your life, and you don’t have to be punished for that anymore. FInd ways to heal your wounds and comfort your heartaches. Be kind to each other. Kind, gentle, soothing. Come together. Be a team.
Some of you will be far enough in your healing journey that you can find the good things to enjoy about the holiday weekend. Maybe you can enjoy a warm walk outside in the sunshine, or a handful of the kids’ favorite candy. Something near you may smell really nice – where is that? Breathe deeply, bringing in things that are good. Yes, there will be beauty in this weekend — see if you can find it.
Speaking of finding things….
Can you see the two caterpillars in the picture?
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In my personal way of thinking, good beats out evil, so …. do your best to hold on tight till the darkness passes, and as soon as you can, find ways to reach those places of goodness, peace, comfort, joy, and love. It’s ok to let go of that darkness. You don’t have to stay there any more. You can move over to a life of warmth now. You are allowed to do that.
You can do it, I know you can.
I am thinking of you all, and I wish you the best in your healing journey.
Happy Easter everyone.
Warmly,
Kathy
Copyright (C) 2008 – 2013 Kathy Broady and Discussing Dissociation
February 24, 2013
Doris and Morris, the Neighbors, of Course
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Hello everyone,
Here is Doris and Morris. Of course.
Doris and Morris are the very best neighbors I have ever had. A horse, of course!
Doris is the pretty chestnut mare, and Morris is the beautiful black gelding.
Doris is younger, and spunky, and she happily canters over every afternoon for her very favorite treat — pieces of bread. Bread, bread, bread! Doris could eat a whole loaf of bread every single day. She also likes oatmeal, fresh grass, handfuls of hay, and chasing cows. Doris talks a lot — she creates a constant stream of pretty pony sounds every time she visits, proudly announcing her presence. Oh, and Doris the horse likes to run, of course!
Morris is an older, gentler soul. His knees are sore, so he walks over gingerly, lagging behind Doris. Morris likes hugs and brushings, and he will stand snuggled up close with his kind heart for as long as you’ll stand beside him. Even though feisty Doris sticks her nose out in front a lot of the time, snatching up as many treats as she can grab, Morris is still the boss, and he happily gives her a quick nip when she gets too pushy. Morris likes bread and oatmeal too, of course, but Ritz crackers, strawberries, and Granny Smith apples are special treats for him since silly ol’ Doris turns her nose away at those tasty nibbles.
Doris! Don’t get so pushy, Pushy!
Doris and Morris are particularly good neighbors. They don’t make any annoying noises. They don’t intrude on my space. They make no complaints. They are happy to come and visit, but they are willing to go on their way as well. They don’t spread gossip, and they don’t talk bad about me behind my back. They don’t stare, they don’t impose, they don’t do any damage, they don’t make any messes. Doris and Morris are just good company.
It’s hard to find good neighbors. And I really appreciate good neighbors.
What are your neighbors like? Are you fortunate enough to have good neighbors?
Have you had some difficult neighbors in the past?
Having good neighbors is important for everyone, of course, but for survivors with Dissociative Identity Disorder, having good neighbors is particularly important. DID survivors need to feel safe where they live, and to not feel afraid, angry, or upset or confused by the people that live near them. Most trauma survivors have had far too many years of living near difficult people.
Healing from a childhood filled chaos requires stability. Calm. Quiet. No unnecessary dramas.
A big part of the healing process for trauma survivors is finding, creating, and maintaining a peaceful environment here-and-now in the current day. You need space to heal. Room to breathe. A place to rest. An area where you don’t have to look over your shoulder every few seconds.
So yes, where you live is fundamental to the kind of lifestyle you can have. Who your neighbors are matters. The absence of ongoing conflict is important. Having a place to unwind, relax, feel comfortable, and feel safe is essential.
Creating a safe inside world starts by experiencing a safe place in the outside world. For many DID survivors, living with a feeling of safety is a completely new concept. You might have to learn what safety is. The sooner, the better.
True enough, you can’t control the safety of most places in the external world, but your home is your own. It’s your space. You can’t change the craziness of the past, but as an adult, you can do something about now, the here-and-now. Safety for your whole internal system starts with making good decisions about your immediate worlds. It’s truly important to create your own personal safe places.
Do you live in a safe home?
Do you have good neighbors?
I certainly hope so. If not, what can you do about that?
I wish you all the very best in your healing journey.
Warmly,
Kathy
and Doris and Morris too
Copywrite 2008 – 2013 Kathy Broady and Discussing Dissociation
February 23, 2013
Feeling Split about Anger
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What do you think when you see this picture? How does it relate to you?
I like this picture. I don’t agree with the wording, in its entirety, but I can see value in the message.
First, let’s talk about the picture itself.
How does this picture represent the inner worlds, and internal systems of someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder?
Do you see the different people? The different ages? The different body positions? The connections and separations between the various people?
This picture reminds me of the way dissociative systems are often split and separated, especially where anger is concerned.
I see the upper outer layers — the ones that have the front jobs of presenting to society. They seem to be the “real ones” and the parts that interact more frequently with the outside world. However, this picture shows the rest of the story. It shows the lower, more hidden layers that are often less known, but typically still very powerful in terms of system functioning and decision-making.
Or, it could represent a completely different kind of dissociative splitting process. It could be those who dissociated away and floated above the trouble and pain, with a layer of everyday existence horizoned in the middle, with a separate group of insiders stuck down underneath, often unable to surface in the current time frame.
The presence of an opposite, mirror-like reflection of an internal system people is common in DID / MPD. For every insider of one extreme, there is often someone else inside that holds a position that is the polar opposite. This is an important and necessary strategy for managing both ends of extreme situations.
What do you see in this picture?
Can you relate in any way?
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And what do you believe about anger?
Anger is such a difficult emotion. It is all too often connected with the horrors of abuse, pain, trauma, fear, and conflict. It’s difficult to be angry, and well-behaved at the same time. Anger often brings out the worst in people.
And yet anger is an important emotion.
Anger knows when you, or others, have been wronged. It knows when something isn’t right. It knows when something should be different.
I don’t know that anger and happiness are opposites as suggested in this picture. I don’t think that the removal of anger means that emotional spot will be replaced by happiness.
Sometimes being angry is important. The appropriate expression of anger can be very healthy. For dissociative systems, it is important to listen to those inside that carry the anger. These insiders have a great deal of information about your history. It might not be easy to hear what they have to say, but their years of experience really should not be denied or forgotten. What they survived counts as much as any other trauma.
Sometimes the internal angry ones copy the external “real life” abusers, making the other insiders repeatedly re-experience trauma and excessive inappropriate discipline, enforcing old rules without understanding that many of these old family rules are not healthy and no longer as necessary or important as they once were. Angry insiders often contain and re-live their memories by inflicting these same dynamics actions over and over and over. Instead of telling their memories, they show them.
When these angry insiders finally feel safe enough to talk honestly about their painful experiences, their anger can become less self-destructive. This change doesn’t come easily, but building relationships and trust with these angry parts is crucial to your overall healing. This is one of the most difficult and challenging components of the healing process. It’s messy. It’s painful. The path is not pretty or lined with flowers. It’s full of bruises and injuries and obscenities. It’s a frustrating process filled with inappropriate, ugly exchanges and intense emotion. And yet, if you don’t reach out to your angry ones, who will?
Since the angry ones are a very real part of your system, if they don’t get included in the healing process, what happens for them? Why should they be left out, and left behind? They need respect and acceptance. Their strengths need to be understood and appreciated.
Their anger may not be replaced by happiness, but they may develop a deeper sense of peace, and contentment, and personal strength. This strength and internal confidence will radiate through all of your system. There is a certain beauty found in their strength.
What are your angry insiders angry about?
What are their actions showing you about their history?
Are you willing to help everyone inside, even the angry ones?
If not, what are you afraid of?
Will it cost you more to ignore them than to work with them?
It’s definitely not easy. Important, but not easy.
I wish you all the best in your healing journey.
Warmly,
Kathy
January 27, 2013
Reindeer on the Beach?
Why is this reindeer on the beach?
There’s surely more to this story….
A Thank You to Santa’s Reindeer
Hi Everyone, This is a fun post — nothing too serious. There have been plenty enough hard times for everyone over the past weeks of holidays. I figure its time for something fun.
Too much serious time usually means that the inside kids haven’t been getting enough play time. And with DID / MPD, it’s very important to keep a balance for everyone in the system.
Ok, older ones, if it’s alright with you, I’d like for you to find your little child parts and bring them nearby — it’s story time. 
Today, our story is about the reindeer on the beach.
Hi kids! What did you all think when you saw the photo of the reindeer on the beach?
Isn’t it funny to see a reindeer on the beach instead of the snow?! What’s a reindeer doing on a beach anyway? Isn’t that a weird place for a reindeer to be? How did that happen?
Here’s the story I was told.
As you can imagine, Santa’s reindeer get very weary and tired after their super-duper busy job of flying all around the world delivering wonderful gifts and toys to the children around the world at Christmas time. It’s a big job! An important job yes, oh yes, but oh so very exhausting for those reindeer.
Wouldn’t you be super-duper tired after flying around the world for hour after hour after hour? I would be so tired I would be wobbly! I wouldn’t know which way was up, and I’d probably fall down right on my head. It’d be a big Kathy-ker-plunk!
Just imagine searching high and low, flying all the way from the North Pole to the South Pole, from Australia to America, from Canada to Russia, from Peru to Singapore, from China to France, from the UK to Thailand, and around and around and around some more. There are beautiful, wonderful children living all over this big world. I can’t even imagine how many kids there are.
Hmmmmmm…… just how many children are there?
I know there are more than 100 kinds in the world. Even more than 247. Maybe there are 784,381 kids? Maybe a million? I don’t know. I just know there are bunches and bunches and bunches of kids everywhere.
Santa’s reindeer have the super-duper fun job of visiting as many children as they can find. They love to bring smiles and happy times.
I must admit, I do get worried that those North Pole reindeer might get so much ice and snow on their noses that they can’t smell well enough to find every child in the world, especially when some of the kids are hiding deep inside. I think all kids are good kids and should get visits fromSanta and his reindeer.
Yes, you read that right.
Yes, I think that all the kids reading this story are good kids. Absolutely you are!
And if Santa’s frozen-nosed reindeer got lost behind all the snowflakes and were unable to find some of you little ones this year, maybe your bigger inside peoples can help those reindeer by getting one or two nice toys for you. It’s not too late to get something fun to play with. Every child needs a happy toy of their own.
Mostly, the reindeer do their best to do a super-duper good job. They want all the children to be happy. I think they try really hard to find as many children as they can. They fly the whole world over, and that is a lot of flying for those reindeer.
Thank you, reindeer, for being so kind to the children. You have a very important job. Bringing smiles to the faces of children all over the world is certainly a beautiful thing to do. Thank you, thank you.
And when Christmas is over, what happens then?
Where do the reindeer go after their long busy months in the blistery cold North Pole? There is soooo much snow and ice in the North Pole. It is super-duper cold up there! The reindeer must be glad to be all snuggled up in their furry winter coats, I’m sure.
If you were a reindeer, and you had just spent months in the snow and ice, where would you go if you wanted a rest and a vacation? Would you go somewhere warm where you didn’t have to wear a fur coat? That sounds like a really good idea!
And that’s exactly what this reindeer did.
It looks to me like this particular reindeer went to a super-duper warm, sandy beach to have a rest. He must have left his fur coat up in the North Pole. He sure didn’t need it to play in the sand. I hope Mr. Reindeer has a really good vacation and lots of fun. And I hope he enjoys feeling warm.
And the next time you go to a beach, look very carefully. Look this way, and look that way. You just might see one of Santa’s reindeer playing in the sand.
Warmly,
Kathy
January 11, 2013
2012 in Review – As Prepared by WordPress Blogs
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
About 55,000 tourists visit Liechtenstein every year. This blog was viewed about 170,000 times in 2012. If it were Liechtenstein, it would take about 3 years for that many people to see it. Your blog had more visits than a small country in Europe!
January 1, 2013
Wishing Happiness for You in the New Year
Hello Everyone….
Happy New Year to you all!
It’s the beginning of a new time, a New Year, and nearing the end of the Holidays. How are you feeling? I hope that you each found joy in something that warms your heart. My wish is that each of you can walk peacefully through this holiday season with a priceless treasure to hold on to for years to come.
I had that goal for myself too, and when I was asked what I wanted for Christmas, my answer was that I wanted an experience to remember. I didn’t have any specific gifts or presents in mind – I just wanted something to treasure in my heart.
And that’s exactly what happened.
A big part of my Christmas Day was spent in a beautiful outdoor setting, with dear friends, looking at photos, swapping stories and walking down Memory Lane. It was a precious time. A blast from the past, as they say it, only these were truly nice memories full of smiles and laughter. It warms the heart and lightens the soul to remember good memories.
All too often, trauma survivors equate the word “memories” with bad memories, filled with scenes of trauma and abuse, chaos, conflict, and other terrible experiences. Sometimes it seems that all the memories are bad memories. And fair enough, far far far too many of the memories remembered by dissociative trauma survivors are really not pleasant at all. That’s not your fault – your history was as it was, and genuine healing involves looking at so many of those horrible times. You are brave and courageous to face those past horrors. It’s enormously painful, but you are doing the right thing by remembering what was once dissociated away.
It just doesn’t have to stay that way.
You can have beautiful times in your life too.
It’s a nice change to remember something pleasant, fun, and enjoyable. For most of you, as your healing progresses, you will remember good moments as well.
But don’t wait for that.
Create good times, good memories, good experiences now. Today. This week. This year.
You really can have a happier New Year this year.
Finding and creating new, positive, valuable memories is so very important to the healing process. Having memories to cherish is a necessary part of making life feel valuable and worthwhile. Knowing there were good times in the past, experiencing the good times happening today, and having the assurance that more good times are ahead give us all the hope to live on. To move forward. To hold tight during the tough times.
To make this year a better year, how can you create more of those times to cherish within your heart?
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- Can you take the raindrops in your life and create beautiful moments?
- Can you find ways to see beauty in your life, no matter what else is happening?
- Do you treasure the beauty of nature and the vibrant colors that surround you?
- What small moments can be nurtured into much bigger brighter spots in your life?
- Where can you go and what can you do to find something that brings a smile to your face?
This can be good year for you.
Get determined to be happier, and make it so.
You can do it. I know you can.
Warmly,
Kathy
Copyright © 2008-2013 Kathy Broady and Discussing Dissociation
December 21, 2012
What Happens to the Light?
It’s Winter Solstice week — time that is often difficult for far too many dissociative trauma survivors. It’s a time where days are short, and nights are long. Far too long. It’s a day where light feels complicated. Fractured. Broken. Dark.
I haven’t forgotten. I know that many of you are hurting and remembering intense hurts right now.
This year, I wanted to write something not as heavy, but still acknowledging the difficulties of this week. As you all know, from my recent comments, I am enjoying a new Ipad and all its options. Today, I’m going to post two pictures that I took myself, with this Ipad, while exploring its funny photo options.
There is much innocence in this pictures. Believe me, if you could see me fumbling around like a country bumpkin with this new fancy technology, you would roll your eyes at my utter rediculousness-ness-ness in the process of taking the photos. For that matter, what they look like are pure coincidence, lol.
But, to my surprise, as pretty as these pictures are, they still remind me of trauma issues related to DID / MPD.
What do you see in these pictures?
And….
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What do you like / dislike about these pictures?
Do they relate to your trauma history in any way?
What comforts do you see in these pictures?
What triggers do you see in these pictures?
How do these pictures relate to the Solstice times of your life?
Your thoughts and comments are welcome.
And, more importantly than anything else, I hope that, even little by little, you find deeper healing today. Hold your insiders near to you. Be kind to each other, and ever so gently support yourselves.
Warmly,
Kathy
December 7, 2012
A Quick Check-in from Kathy
Thank you, everyone, for continuing to read this blog. I have been doing a fair bit of travelling this year, and have been away from the internet for long chunks of time. I am constantly amazed, when I get a chance to sit back at Discussing Dissociation blog, to see how many readers there continue to be.
Wow!
Y’all are something else because once again, we have had a new “highest number of views” day a few weeks ago, and 2012 has proven to be, by far, the busiest reading year yet. Thank you! I am hopeful and pleased to see that this blog is continuing to be a good resource for those of you wanting to learn more about Dissociative Disorders, Dissociative Identity Disorder, and various trauma related issues.
I’ve just approved a whole pile of wonderful comments that have been sitting here waiting for me…. Sorry for the delay, everyone. I do like to hear what you have to say. Thank you for your comments – they truly are much appreciated. It is a real joy to see when you all post comments back and forth to each other. I think that is excellent.
I have been thinking that some day soon, I should join the rest of the modern world and get one of those Ipad type things, or a phone with internet on it, or some fancy device that lets me stay more connected to the internet no matter where I am. I’ve been slow to do that…. However, coming here, and seeing that you all have been continuing to read encourages me to stay involved.
I do have more stories to tell, of course.
And I have more opinions about things, of course.
And I can see that I have some questions to answer, of course.
And you know I have more questions to ask, of course!
I hope you are having a better day than you expected to be having….
Sending warm thoughts your way,
Kathy
