April 3, 2010
This is Easter Weekend
.
Hi Everyone,
This is Easter weekend.
For DID trauma survivors with a ritual abuse (RA) background, this is a very difficult weekend, full of difficult memories, painful emotions, and system conflicts.
*** I’m going to speak of some of the horrors of ritual abuse – here is your trigger warning – for those of you that need one of those. ***
With ritual abuse, anything that represented something positive in the Christian faith would have been turned into something dangerous and harmful in the dark worlds. The good would have been twisted into evil. The light would have been made dark. Distortions, perversions, confusion, pain, violence, and chaos would have been celebrated.
Opposites are taught – white becomes black. The day-world church is very distinctly different and opposite from the night-world church.
Children should never ever be exposed to the level of sadistic violence that occurs in ritualistic ceremonies. It is wrong for this to happen.
Children should never ever be forced to participate in the outrageous activities and horrendous practices of the dark night ritualistic world. It is wrong for this to happen.
If you were forced to participate in sadistic ritualistic activities, my heart goes out to you. You’ve seen some of the worst of the worst that happens in this world. It is not ok that anyone hurt you like that.
If you were ritually abused, you would have been painfully traumatized, emotionally tortured, sexually assaulted, and physically beaten. These are horrible crimes. It was wrong for anyone to do this to you. It was wrong if your parents did this to you. It was wrong if strangers did this to you. It was wrong if friends or neighbors did this to you. It is wrong, criminally wrong, for any and all children to be forced to participate in these kinds of activities in any way, shape, or form.
You did not deserve that kind of treatment. (Don’t believe lies that say otherwise.)
You were not born to live in the darkness. (Don’t believe lies that say otherwise.)
You were not destined to belong to evil. (Don’t believe lies that say otherwise.)
You are not the child of Satan. (Don’t believe lies that say otherwise.)
You do not have to live your life chained to this darkness. (Don’t believe lies that say otherwise.)
It is ok and important to get healing from any kind of ritualistic abuse that has happened in your life. RA is gory and violent, it’s controlling and demanding, it’s hateful and sadistic, but it does not have to define who you are. You do not have to stay connected to anyone or anything that pushes you into that direction.
You can separate from those people, places, organizations, and become your own true, genuine self.
You can make your own decisions for what you believe in, and for what kind of life you want to have. You don’t have to be involved in a RA lifestyle if you don’t want to. You don’t have to go to any more RA gatherings, and you don’t have to be one of them.
Your abusers would have told you otherwise, but now that you are an adult, you can decide for yourself. You can think on your own, and you don’t have to be bullied any more.
You can be your own self, with your own life. You can develop your own values, beliefs, and preferences. You don’t have to like the things you were told to like – you can decide for yourself what it is that you like. You don’t have to want the things you were told to want – you can decide that for yourself as well.
You don’t have to be one of them. You can have a life full of kindness, gentleness, compassion, empathy instead. You don’t have to prefer violence and hatred. You can be different from that.
If you have dissociative identity disorder (DID / MPD), be sure to let the parts who were ritually abused to experience some of the more positive things in your life. They might initially say they aren’t interested (I’m guessing they were taught to say that), but if you encourage them to experience some of the positive things in your life, you can help to bring healing to them too. Don’t leave them stuck in their traumatic history – help them to heal and to have a chance to live in a safe, positive, warm place.
All the parts of you can heal from the atrocities of ritual abuse.
But for that to happen, you will need to be willing to introduce the light of the day-world to those parts that were split off into the world of darkness. Invite them to actively participate in your day-world. Let them have a cup of coffee or your favorite soda. Let them sit outside in the sun. Let them listen to some of your favorite music, or watch television, or walk the dogs in the park. Let the have a turn at your favorite computer game, and to nibble on your favorite treats and munchies. The dark-side parts will need to experience some of what your world is like in order to understand how it can be better for them. Be gentle with them. Slowly show them the things that you like.
It might feel scary to interact with these parts, but keeping them separated from you only keeps them stuck in the darkness they have known. With the help of your therapist, let those parts become more connected to your personal worlds where they can learn about kindness, gentleness, peace of mind, etc. Build up your courage and ability to listen to them. Comfort them from the hurts they have experienced. Help them to get out of those places that have been so violent.
Separate yourself from anyone in the outside world that wants you to stay in the darkness. Firmly reclaim all your insiders as parts of you that belong with you, and not to anyone else. Work very hard to not leave any of your parts left stuck in such violence. Have the courage to pull them all out into a life of safety.
Your whole system can have the life that you want. Don’t let any of them stay stuck in the yuck of the past.
Let them experience the goodness and joy that can be part of Easter.
———
By:
Kathy Broady LCSW
Copyright © 2008-2010 Kathy Broady LCSW and Discussing Dissociation
splinteredones said,
April 3, 2010 at 2:44 pm
I am a Buddhist but my primary perp and horrid mother were. I was Buddhist as a kid. Now that you write this I can see that the abuse did really ramp up around Christmas and Easter. It’s not really RA if you’re not a part of the terrible religious aspects of the abuse. But the behaviors are the same. Hum, think I had better put this away for now….
sallysmith86 said,
April 3, 2010 at 2:44 pm
Littles said Thank You.
(just being honest)
So much of what you said about how scary Easter can be is the same for me with Xmas and Thanksgiving and practically all “official” holidays. I’m not so sure if we went through RA… but insiders say otherwise…
Dots are connecting …
They’re connecting to form an answer I’m not so sure I necesarily want to see…
Sorry
I dont like holidays
Sally
pilgrimchild said,
April 3, 2010 at 7:15 pm
kafy how do you no for sher? these things? who tell you? how do you no if it be the trueth.
did god tell you? do god be yor frend?
i do want to belef you not the bad pepol i promis
JP said,
April 3, 2010 at 7:23 pm
we don’t believe any single thing you said of those five. not one of them. you weren’t there. you can’t know.
moreheads said,
April 3, 2010 at 7:44 pm
KB
As the day approaches the anxiety rises. Folks in the system that endured this abuse or were part of it’s perpetration begin to flow into the past roles. The flash backs intensify for those involved and the disruption builds for the rest of us.
For years we thought having converted to a new religion would tone all this down, but we were wrong. Everywhere around us Easter is apparent and sets the return scripts anew. What has happened with years of work is a softening of the magnetism of belonging to “them.”
No parent should ever do this to their child or let others. Yes, we are working to make this our life and year after year we chip away at what was done and the aftermath. There are no memory erasures and that means finding a way to live with what was done to us, not an easy thing. We struggle.
Some of those who were used and abused thru RA have moved away from those ties and entered the world now. It’s cool to see how hard they worked. It’s a bit like a domino effect or piggy backing to the next person. It’s those out helping the others out.
One of the really hard things for us as a system was the fact that SRA was used as a cover up for the MC experiments that went on behind. Our abuse has so many levels and layers that interconnect with ritualized abuse that was done to us. Which is something we keep stressing to those who were directly abused, that it was done to them, they were not the responsible party.
We make it thru these times by sheer brute force, we hold onto ourselves for the ride and breath a sigh when the days pass.
It’s good to see this talked about openly.
Ravin
kiyacat said,
April 3, 2010 at 9:01 pm
…and how quickly i forget… between equinox that you’d brought this to our awareness, Kathy, to now…
anxiety been greatly heightened to panic attacks- tried to get help and everywhere i turned, i could not get it. ended up in the ER.
this morning had a very bad nightmare of the SA with the parent. caused so very much body pain. the body relived while the mind let him off the hook.
exhaustion today is huge, but the ER gave a few benzos that sort of helped with the panic.
brunch tomorrow with the mother… haven’t built up enough boundaries yet to say no. one day i will reclaim this day for me/us. it is closer.
thank you for posting about this — and including a trigger warning.
kiyacat
winterskeeper2 said,
April 3, 2010 at 10:21 pm
Ravin,
I often wish there were a way to erase the memories too. Our backgrounds are very very similar.
You are courageous in your fight to break your connections with “them”. It is such a very difficult and painful struggle.
Just know that I am here wishing you strength and courage for your continuing battle. It seems you are well on your way to winning it.
Be Safe,
Winter’s Keeper
winterskeeper2 said,
April 3, 2010 at 10:44 pm
Kathy,
I still sometimes struggle around holidays, and this is one of the hardest for me. So imagine how comforting it has been to come to the blog and read your post on the very issue that I’m losing sleep over. Thanks so much for being willing to write about this very controversial topic. I’m so relieved that there are people out there (other than those of us who experienced this) who know that it is real and ongoing, and aren’t too afraid to put it out there.
Tonight I am also grateful for the fact that although I am restless and anxious, it is after midnight on Easter morning and I am here safe at my computer, and not you-know-where doing you-know-what. Sometimes I think it must be kind of like being in recovery from an addiction, where you have these awful times where you recall using, and feel agitated, but stick to your recovery plan to avoid relapse. Using that model, I’d be due for my eight year chip
Winter’s Keeper
kiyacat said,
April 4, 2010 at 9:39 am
Winter’s Keeper, congratulations on your “8 year chip” – that is quite an accomplishment. I think it is a rather accurate analogy to compare to D/A sobriety. Come to think on it, that might actually help my own system to utilize that idea.
Courage today – maybe the strenght of all our many minds throughtout the world can be stronger than what we’ve all faced – we can all face it together today even while we are separate.
Light!
strangelings said,
April 4, 2010 at 9:46 am
Thank you for writing this. It nearly made me cry, just to see- someone who hasn’t been there saying these kind of things. My therapist says them, to me (though due to circumstances I’ve only been mostly able to do phone sessions this last year, which makes things way harder) but- it’s not the same.
wolfpack40 said,
April 4, 2010 at 11:57 am
blech
winterskeeper2 said,
April 4, 2010 at 12:58 pm
Kiacat,
Yes, I do think that even though so many of us are scattered far and wide, that we can make a difference in our own and each other’s recovery by focusing on the light side and its many gifts.
We can also support one another in our struggles against the pull of the dark, and the memories within it.
Stay Strong,
Winter’s Keeper
Kathy Broady said,
April 4, 2010 at 1:51 pm
You’re right, JP.
I wasn’t there.
I have never ever been to a cult meeting or any kind of RA gathering. I have not participated in any level of dark worship. Nor will I. I stand for the opposite of all that dark world stuff.
And JP and pilgrimchild –
As you can see in my next blog article, even if I haven’t been there, I can still have the faith to believe that good can trump evil. I still know that and I know that and I know that. I do not believe that evil has more power than good.
So no, I wasn’t there at the time when you were being abused. I have not witnessed anyone being abused on that level. But I do believe that that kind of abuse happens to people. I believe that far too many innocent children have been hurt this way. I believe that far too many adults are trapped in this lifestyle, even if they don’t want to be.
And I believe there is a way out of all that. That’s why I say those five things.
And you don’t have to believe me. It’s important for you to figure that out for yourself. It doesn’t matter so much if I believe it or if you believe me. It matters more whether you believe it.
Do you believe there is a way out ????
Do you believe that good can trump evil???
Kathy Broady said,
April 4, 2010 at 1:57 pm
Winters Keeper,
Congratulations on your 8-yrs of safety and freedom!! That is EXCELLENT!!!!
That is the most inspirational story and your gentle, compassionate comments prove that your healing really is happening.
Thank you so very very much for being an active participant of this blog. You add so much to the discussion and you give hope to those that are still in the middle of their battles.
You are proof it can happen. Well done.
Kathy
sallysmith86 said,
April 4, 2010 at 2:02 pm
Lots of us inside keep trying to tell our kids and babies those things. But they dont believe us. Our good safe love people tell them too but they just agree and not believe cause they say its not possible.
Our body person not wants to believe that it happened. She said that we didn’t go through that. 
That makes us sad 
Brittany
juxtapieces said,
April 4, 2010 at 3:16 pm
Hey Kathy,
Yes to both. It was a rough night, and lots of things got deleted and changed and generally were all out of whack, but me JP, yes I definitely believe that. I don’t completely understand it because things got a little jerked around in my head but faith, yeah, sometimes it’s the ONLY thing that keeps me alive at all. Even if it’s a needle point in the black and sometimes it’s just a memory of hope. And no I don’t know how that happened. I don’t know how I got to be someone who loves and tries so hard. I don’t know how I got to be someone who gets up after being knocked down over and again, and says “I will choose to love today, I will choose to try again.” There are a lot of things I need to figure out but that one I don’t think so, because that one makes me, me. That one is the strand that holds us all even as mixed up as it all is, even if that strand is cut up, it’s still there. I’m working to put it all back together again.
I’m sorry one (or more) of my kiddos was so upset here. I’m fairly certain of who was here. It was a flash of pain, to be sure. Made me cry. I seem to be getting really good at crying.
From my perspective anyway, even though it was hard to read, I’m glad you’ll tell the truth, because most people just deny this even happens. It’s all going to take some time. Thank YOU for your bravery. Silence can kill any hope for change.
moreheads said,
April 4, 2010 at 7:29 pm
WintersKeeper
Thank you for the compassionate comments and encouragement.
Good to hear you are on your 8th year. Go you! : )
Ravin
heartofindigo said,
April 5, 2010 at 6:02 am
thank you Kathy for taking this risk
you are very brave
Update « Our life with MPD/DID said,
April 8, 2010 at 9:25 am
[...] latest post is about ritual abuse … and although I don’t know for a fact that I was involved with [...]
Pilgrim said,
April 21, 2011 at 1:11 pm
i don no if you still red thes enemor kafy
but it be easter agan
do there be a way out
we don no
thats verey hard to belev
kiyacat said,
May 18, 2011 at 11:11 pm
we be sad too, pilgrim. but we used to ppl leaving. so oh weel. sad to lose such a person and trying to be glad to have had her posts for a lil while and now *poof*. gone. like evereyone else. *shrug*.
we like u tho pilgrim and hope u be ok even withougt the nice person leader kathy lady. *sigh*.
be well friend.
Sally said,
May 18, 2011 at 11:22 pm
so many wunt to beleev so many
so many wunt to beleev
it not so easy kathy
it so hard beleev bcuz now liers say that truthers are liers and liers are truthers
so many wunt to beleev you kathy so many
but it not so easy
who is truthers and who is liers
we not now who beleev and not wunt get in trouble eether
it scary kathy scary easter over heer but stil for us tim for othur stuff
lots of seekrits lots of thim evrywer
so many wunt to beleev kathy so many
Kathy Broady said,
May 18, 2011 at 11:27 pm
I’m still here….
Just haven’t been writing much, obviously, but I’m still here.
Kathy
Sally said,
May 18, 2011 at 11:34 pm
hi kathy you heer that gud it scary kathy it so scary you heer that meen you stil ok you still heer just hav kwiet tim but stil heer that gud thank you for say stil heer kathy that gud
Kathy Broady said,
May 18, 2011 at 11:39 pm
Yep,
I am still here. I am ok. I have been really really busy with some things, but I am ok.
Not to worry…. and I hope things get less scary for you soon.
brokenbeyondrepair10 said,
March 9, 2013 at 10:43 am
3 years later, in the midst of lent. And it is getting worse every year. Not sure it`ll ever be “ok”. Losing time, bad things happening, over and over again. Then easter will happen again.
Cnt ever be good, ever. I am evil inside, even if I try to be `good`/`normal`, I know what I was born for and don`t wanna accept it. Keep reading/being told that acceptance is key. just wanna be safe, feel safe and to stop having to hide.