09.06.09
When Blogs are a Healing Resource for Survivors
I am still amazed by the excellent group discussion and active participation that was generated by my last blog post. Considering that one of the main purposes of this blog is to “discuss dissociation”, I think that’s good! Thank you, everyone, for your active interest. I do appreciate that.
I have been contemplating a number of different follow up topics after such an intense discussion. There is a wide variety of important offshoot directions that I could take.
However, after reading some of the comments submitted, I’ve decided to first post some tips and guidelines to remember while using this blog as a healing resource.
The longer I have Discussing Dissociation, the more I can see how reading this blog — or any blog – can have a significant impact as a healing resource. What do you do with the information that you read? Why do you read it? What keeps you interested and coming back? I’ve been thinking about all that, and it’s becoming clearer to me how this blog is having an impact on the healing process for many of you.
Thank you. I am genuinely honored that so many of you are using this blog as a resource.
There are some things that I would like for you to remember while you are reading this blog.
1. I am simply sharing my thoughts based on my experiences as a trauma therapist who specialized in dissociative identity disorder, but there is nothing “simple” about DID. I find it very hard to dissect the complex, layered, multi-faceted elements of DID into one single article, 700-1500 words at a time. There is just sooooo much more to say about each and every topic, and please know that for every point in one direction, I completely understand there are 20 other points facing other directions. But one blog article can only be so long before it becomes too cumbersome to read or write. But … keep reading over time. The more I post, the more the various angles will be addressed.
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2. The way each individual trauma therapist conducts his or her therapy sessions is as unique as the way an artist paints a picture. Your therapist may very well do things very differently than I do. That is not unusual, and the challenge is to incorporate the information and methods that works best for you and your healing. It is not about right or wrong – it is about what works for you.
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3. I hope that the issues discussed in this blog encourage you to think. I do not presume to have all the answers, but I can give you a starting place to process and explore your trauma issues. Learning to think for yourself is a very crucial part of your healing. Please take the information I provide and work with it as it fits for you. Ask yourself questions. Journal about it. Check inside. Write a comment. Write more about it on your own blog. Just remember – your abusers would have controlled your thinking for a very long time. Breaking out of their dictated thought processes is very important, so yes — thinking on your own is a very good thing.
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4. Please know that it is ok to take the topics you have read in my blog to your therapist for more individual discussion on a personal level. I write about the things I have learned in my 25 years of working with trauma and dissociative disorders. I know patterns relating to the DID/MPD diagnosis, typical information about survivors with DID/MPD, techniques to use in sessions, questions to ask, etc. But your therapist knows you and your internal system. If you find information that seems to fit you, please discuss this further with your therapist.
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5. If you feel particularly triggered or upset by anything written in this blog, including the comments written by other readers, please discuss this with your therapist as well. Emotional triggers can be uncomfortable and upsetting, but they can also be enormously valuable milestones in your healing process. If you work with triggers to understand what they are bringing up for you, you can most definitely use this information to push further into your healing.
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6. Please understand that your therapist and I may have very different approaches to working with DID. That is ok – to each his own. As I said, each therapist is his or her own person, and we all work in the ways that best fit us as individuals. However, if you see a significant contradiction in what I say compared to what your therapist does, it is ok and important to talk to your therapist about this. This blog is not intended to undermine your therapy or your therapist’s opinion. I emphasize again — I hope that you can and will openly discuss any significant questions or concerns with your therapist, as needed.
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7. If you are a regular reader of this blog, I strongly encourage you to let your therapist know that you read here, especially if you are finding that you are having any personal or internal reactions (either positive or negative) while reading here. It’s often important for a therapist to know where their clients are getting information. It’s been historically proven that some members the dissociative population can be easily persuaded and affected by opinions of others. If you feel or believe that this blog is affecting you on that level, please be sure to discuss this with your therapist.
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8. If you want to discuss the topics you read on this blog with me on a more extended or personal basis, you are welcome to contact me via AbuseConsultants.com or to join my forum, SurvivorForum.com.
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9. Remember that you will be reading and interpreting articles and comments from your own personal perspectives, life experiences, and trauma issues. It’s nearly impossible to not do this. The key isn’t to fight or deny that, but to be aware of its impact. We all assign meaning and interpretation of what we read from our history and assumptions. It typically takes a lot of hard work and detailed conversation to genuinely understand each other, especially if someone is saying something different than what you already believe or expect. Genuine communication is hard work. But that’s ok. It’s important work.
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10. This can be seen here already, and if you look, you’ll see examples to what I’m talking about. Of course, you can all see what I’ve written and you can hear my preferences. Go beyond that for variety. There are well over 1000 comments made here in this blog. Have you noticed that some of the frequent commenters here have a visible theme / repeated perspective to their comments? Remember — I did not say this is a bad thing. It’s an engrained perspective that naturally affects interpretation. What is your long-term perspective on therapy / therapists / healing / DID / abuse, etc.? How do these things affect how your think? Just keep these ideas in mind as you are interpreting what you read.
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More Questions for Thought:
When you read something on this blog (or any blog) that is particularly powerful for you, what do you do with that information?
Do you journal about it? Talk with your insiders about it? Do you talk to your therapist about it?
How does reading this blog help you? What does it give you?
How does this blog impact your life? Your healing? Your therapy?
How does reading the blogs of other survivors help you?
What do you do with differences of opinion? Is it ok for people to disagree? Is it upsetting for you to see conflicting perspectives?
What if I present an idea that is opposite to how your therapist works. What do you do then?
How do you incorporate what you are learning here into your daily life with your insiders?
What do your insiders think of the various topics covered in this blog? Are you all talking together about the information you read here?
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Good communication is very hard work, but positive internal communication is the key to healing from dissociative identity disorder. The more you can talk and communicate effectively with your entire system, the more healing and progress you will make. Let what you are learning from communicating in this blog group apply towards helping you communicate effectively with your internal group.
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By:
Kathy Broady LCSW
Mona said,
September 6, 2009 at 11:31 pm
As you suggest here, I have shared some of your comments and insights with my therapist and I thank you so much for providing this resource. I really do understand dissociation so much better now, and am less judgmental about my symptoms. You are providing a very significant source of information to the on-line survivor community; I hope you continue.
davidrochester said,
September 7, 2009 at 12:45 pm
This is just a thought, but — I wonder if possibly the blog might be more effective if comments weren’t allowed, and if it were simply a pure resource for the dissemination of information. It seems to me, probably unfairly, that commenters are often looking for attention from you and from each other, in ways that are perhaps not supportive of their relationships with their own therapists. There are forums available for those who want interactive discussion.
I can see how the comment feature may be helpful, but I can also see how the lure of immediate interaction might easily be used to reinforce separation from the commenters’ own therapist, especially when there are mixed feelings, confusion, or negative transference going on. Of course, this is the commenter’s responsibility to sort out, but given the frequent confusion and misunderstandings in the comments, I wonder how helpful that option really is.
Kathy Broady said,
September 7, 2009 at 5:54 pm
Hi Mona,
Thank you for your comment – and I am so very pleased to hear that this blog has been helpful, and that you have shared the info about this blog to your therapist. There’s lots to read, and more to come.
So yes, please keep coming back because I have no plans of going away.
Thanks again,
Kathy
Kathy Broady said,
September 7, 2009 at 8:47 pm
Hi David,
That’s an interesting thought…
I hear your point — which is a yet another reason I hope that no one keeps their participation at this blog a “secret” from your therapist. And certainly, the intention of this blog is to not ever come between anyone and their therapist. If that is happening — please look at the deeper issues, and address that conflict with your therapist asap.
Please know: If it would be helpful for me to have a consultation role, (on a one-time basis, or on an ongoing basis), please contact me via my office or AbuseConsultants.com. I am willing to help in whatever way that is suiting or fitting for your situation.
And yes — to everyone — if anyone simply wants more personal discussion and more individual interaction with me, please consider requesting an individual session (email, IM, phone, or office) via AbuseConsultants.com, or join my online group: SurvivorForum.com. At SF, I interact primarily with the therapeutic members within the group setting. The point being… if you need more therapeutic support, that is an optional resource for each and everyone of you.
As for the comments on this blog….
For me, the comments are the best part of this blog! I already know what I think – I want to know what y’all think.
I also think the comments allow for clarification and questions. With all the blog articles — even when I think I’ve written something as clear as day — there are very often comments and questions that show me that there is more to explain. Or I need to say it in a different way. Or… I need to provide an example —
So in that sense, the comments and feedback are really helpful, because it allows me to know where I’m not being clear.
What do y’all think?
Thanks for the comment, David. That’s certainly something to think about….
Kathy
morunner said,
September 7, 2009 at 9:29 pm
I actually think the comments are helpful sometimes at least for me. They sometimes articulate things I cant myself or I can say yes thats exactly how it is for me and gain a better understanding of myself as a result. Would I use this as a therapy subsitute ..no..and sometimes I think that one has to be careful as depending on where we are in therapy etc the suggestions offered may not be appropriate at that time, but I guess this is where it is important to let T know we are reading here.
Wounded Genius said,
September 8, 2009 at 2:11 am
@ David – that’s interesting, I thought about that too, but more than comments (which can be controlled and approved or deleted), how would discussions within forums and IM integrate into each person’s therapy? Given the miscommunication in comments which are there for everyone to see, I can only imagine the chaos a forum/IM could create. I’m sure Kathy has something to contribute on this.
vickilost said,
September 9, 2009 at 3:17 pm
The comments I have made resently have come from a confussed and bewildered space. But I hadn’t been able to talk about this confussion with anyone. By commenting on this blog I could try out my questions and concerns with alot less risk and exposure. This gave me the confidence to talk to my therapist about it this week. We had to translate it through an ‘interpreter’ so some of the ideas got lost but it was a huge step. I think being able to comment is helpful and Kathy gives really good answers.
Kathy Broady said,
September 15, 2009 at 7:18 pm
Hey Wounded Genius,
Thanks for your comment and the question / topic.
(And David, I’ll be writing up a response to the stuff you sent as well. Thanks for your thoughts – I haven’t forgotten! Just been really busy this week with other stuff, but will get back with you about that.)
In my experience, discussions in forums and IMs are each quite different than the discussions here in this blog setting.
I only participate in one forum, SurvivorForum.com, so I’m basing my comments from that. BUT, I’ve been involved with SurvivorForum for over four years. There are over 56,000 posts in that forum, so its been busy, and I’ve seen a wide variety of situations with a lot of different people during its existence.
The forum, as I see it, is much more conversational than out here in the blogosphere. The setting is more intimate and private, and people get to know each other better. In my forum, the focus is not “all about me” — because the purpose of the group is for guided / protected group support, and not individual therapy. Also, while I may start some of the topics of discussion, most of them are created by the group members themselves, and the discussions are based on their thoughts-questions-experiences instead of commenting on a specific article that I’ve presented. And of course, any number of different topics can be active ongoing discussions on any day of the year. That makes the forum a much more interactive place, and the opportunity to converse with each other is easier. Written communication can be difficult, but the increased interaction back and forth makes it easier to clarify what is / isn’t being said.
I’ve found SurvivorForum to be helpful in terms of therapeutic support because it can be difficult to find a “in-person” DID support group, but having understanding, feedback, and challenges from other survivors who have been there is an important element of healing that one cannot get in individual therapy. The blog community can provide an element of that, but for people who want more personal privacy than posting on a public website, blogs have some limitations. But the involvement of other survivors is important. I might say something til I’m blue in the face, but if another DID survivor says it, then that point can be more heard or accepted (and the opposite situation can happen as well.) The point being – it’s the mix of both individual therapy and group therapy that is helpful.
IM conversations are a wonderful aspect of online therapy.
IM is much like a conversation between two people, and there is a lot of room for asking / clarifying, listening / making sure to understand what is being said. There are a few topics that are less effective to discuss over IM (obviously, the more emotional or heated the discussion, and/or the more conflictual the topic, the less effective IM will be), but for regular conversations, IM is very good.
One of the benefits of IM conversations is that they can be saved and read again later. For people with DID, forgetting what happened in the session is all too common. Having an IM session retains the session material, and the survivor can read thru’ it over and over as many times as necessary. And yes, I can see when people switch in IM’s!! Once you understand what switching looks like, it can be obvious in an IM as well. Try denying THAT when you go back and read thru’ the session again.
IMs can be very flexible in terms of timing… they can happen across wide distances, and across country lines.
These online options provide trauma therapy for those who do not have the option in their local area.
And… if it isn’t for everyone, that is also ok.
There is not any one single form or style of therapy that works best for EVERYone. Having a variety of options is what matters, and having a variety of techniques to use for various issues is better than trying to shove everyone one into one set procedure.
So for me — it’s just exciting, because it is creative, different, and allows for all kinds of possibilities….
I hope that explains it a little more….
Thanks for the comment!
Kathy