07.19.09
Life-Changing Heartbreak
Posted in Depression, Trauma, emotional pain, sexual abuse, trauma therapist tagged Abandonment, Abuse, AbuseConsultants, AbuseConsultants.com, Alone, Aloneness, Betrayal, Broken Heart, Depression, DID/MPD, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Emotion, Emotional, Emotional Healing, emotional pain, Grief, heartbreak, Hurt, Kathy Broady, Listening, Loss, Neglect, pain, Sadness, sexual abuse, Sexual Trauma, Trauma, Trauma Survivors at 9:17 pm by Kathy Broady
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Something about heartbreak totally changes a person.
Repeated heartbreak.
Changes your life.
I’m not sure I can put words to it yet, but I know it happens.
Depression.
Sadness.
Loss. Grief.
Pain.
It consumes your thoughts, your mind, your time.
What hurts the most? Abandonment? Abuse? Neglect? Betrayal? Dishonesty? Physical pain? Sexual trauma? Aloneness?
I suppose there is no way to say what hurts the most. It’s probably different for different people anyway.
When there is heartbreak, the heart breaks.
The sadness lingers.
You breathe it in with every breath. It’s all around you at all times.
It sits with you. Next to you. Beside you. On you. Behind you. In you.
The heart hurts.
You can feel it. It’s a physical pain. It’s an emotional pain.
Sad, slow music can express it oh so very well.
It’s just hard to find the words.
Sometimes heartbreak cannot be soothed. There are no words to comfort or reach or soften the depth of the break.
Sometimes sitting with is helpful.
Sometimes aloneness is all that can be tolerated.
Sometimes someone else’s heart can hear the heartbreak, even without the words.
It’s in the emotion. Or in the feeling of the person.
Or in the feeling around the person.
Real heartbreak is palpable.
Anyone listening or paying attention can see it, and feel it, and sense it – if they will.
Most don’t.
Maybe that’s why heartbreak changes life.
It creates profound crossroads in a person’s life.
The road chosen changes after heartbreak.
Life changes after heartbreak.
It’s never the same.
The heart breaks.
Profoundly.
__________
By:
Kathy Broady LCSW
juliewtf said,
July 19, 2009 at 11:57 pm
You expressed something that there are no words for.
This brought tears to my eyes for the first time, in a
very long time.
The brokenness of it all.
The realization of it all.
klm98 said,
July 20, 2009 at 3:39 am
WOW. I have been a ‘lurker’ on your fantastic site for a while now, always a little to scared to comment. But this post just said so much to me. Thank you.
Kathy Broady said,
July 20, 2009 at 10:26 am
Hi klm98,
Thanks for finding the courage to post. I very much appreciate your kinds words….
In some ways, I’m sorry to hear that this post about heartbreak meant so much to you…. that tells me you’ve been pretty heartbroken to have understood it on that level… but I’m glad it could have such deep meaning for you as well.
Thanks for “lurking”, lol, and I hope you continue to come back often.
I wish the best for you in your healing journey,
Kathy
Kathy Broady said,
July 20, 2009 at 10:29 am
oh juliewtf…..
the words are really hard to find —
but the emotions are real… and it does hurt.
Thank you for letting me know this post reached you on that level….
Sending lots of kind thoughts your way,
Kathy
catiebee said,
July 20, 2009 at 6:50 pm
Thank you for expressing this. It’s rare to hear anyone describe the cumulative effects of broken hope and a broken and re-broken heart.
I have lived it. Repeated heartbreak in two areas of life, back to back over several years. Then a giant heartbreak on top of those, from which I’ve never recovered. But almost 20 years later, I’m seriously working on it! Thank your for putting what has felt unutterable into words.
Catie
moreheads said,
July 20, 2009 at 10:22 pm
KB
Heartbreak after break and folks wonder why it shatters.
It ravages the soul.
I wish with all my strength this weren’t true.
Bittersweetly, good job catching the emotion.
Ravin
heartbreak « Ifeyescouldtalk said,
July 24, 2009 at 12:26 am
[...] It consumes your thoughts, your mind, your time. What hurts the most? Abandonment? Abuse? Neglect? Betrayal? Dishonesty? Physical pain? Sexual trauma? Aloneness? I suppose there is no way to say what hurts the most. It’s probably different for different people anyway. When there is heartbreak, the heart breaks. The sadness lingers. You breathe it in with every breath. It’s all around you at all times. It sits with you. Next to you. Beside you. On you. Behind you. In you. The heart hurts. You can feel it. It’s a physical pain. It’s an emotional pain. Sad, slow music can express it oh so very well. It’s just hard to find the words. Sometimes heartbreak cannot be soothed. There are no words to comfort or reach or soften the depth of the break. Sometimes sitting with is helpful. Sometimes aloneness is all that can be tolerated. Sometimes someone else’s heart can hear the heartbreak, even without the words. It’s in the emotion. Or in the feeling of the person. Or in the feeling around the person. Real heartbreak is palpable. Anyone listening or paying attention can see it, and feel it, and sense it – if they will. Most don’t. Maybe that’s why heartbreak changes life. It creates profound crossroads in a person’s life. The road chosen changes after heartbreak. Life changes after heartbreak. It’s never the same. The heart breaks. Profoundly. by:Discussing Dissociation [...]
soulfulgrrl said,
July 29, 2009 at 12:45 pm
my heart felt this blog with such profound sadness. the realization that someone gets heartbreak… my heartbreak. *cry*
thank you
Holly
soulfulgrrl said,
July 29, 2009 at 4:52 pm
i have a question….
do we still have a soul?
Kathy Broady said,
July 31, 2009 at 2:05 pm
oh soulfulgrrl,
yes, of course you still have a soul -
You were hurt – by the sounds of it, you were hurt a whole lot — but yes, … you do have a soul. They can’t take that away from you, and they can’t “make” you into one of “them”. But they certainly can cause a whopping lot of pain and heartbreak….
I’m sorry to hear that you feel so much sadness…. but I am glad that this article reached you…
I hope that you can feel better one of these days….
Kathy
soulfulgrrl said,
August 1, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Kathy,
Thank you for your comment. I think “we” are on the road to getting better. We finally found a therapist that believes “IN” us. He is super and most of us trust him.
Holly
Kathy Broady said,
August 1, 2009 at 6:41 pm
Hi Catie,
Thank you for reading Discussing Dissociation – and thank you for your comment.
I’m sorry to hear that you can relate so deeply to this article about heartbreak, but I am glad to hear that you have found ways to address all the pain that you feel inside.
It is very hard to put the depths of heartbreak into words — keep working at it — you’ll find more words that fit how things are specifically for you —
I wish the best for you — and I hope that you and your broken heart finds the healing you deserve…
Warmly,
Kathy
Mona said,
August 6, 2009 at 7:56 pm
Heartbreak…
is when all the air leaves the room because you hear the words, “…we found your son’s body…” and you don’t hear anything else. But someone in the background is screaming, “I don’t understand, I don’t understand…” and it might be you.
“Surviving a Loss”, monav.wordpress.com
moreheads said,
August 7, 2009 at 7:31 am
monav
I’m so very sorry. I too know that heart break, it’s shattering. There is no understanding. My empathy goes out to you.
Nikie….
Kathy Broady said,
August 9, 2009 at 10:06 pm
Mona and Moreheads,
You are right — I can’t think of many things more emotionally painful than the suicide of a child…
My heart goes out to both of you, and I hope that you find some peace and solace in knowing that there are at least a few other people out here in the world that understand….
I’m so very very sorry for your loss….
Kathy
sbox84 said,
August 11, 2009 at 11:19 pm
Wow, thanks for writing this. Very powerful. This is exactly where I am right now… been trying to numb myself to deal with it… this post broke through that defense and got me to feel something. Glad to find your blog.
Kathy Broady said,
August 13, 2009 at 11:18 pm
Hi sbox84,
Thanks for your comment – it’s always good to know when my blog articles really hit home for someone… I’m sorry to hear that you have had so much pain in your life, but I am glad that my post was able to help you reach your feelings. That’s good news. You probably have more work to do, but hey – finding an opening thru’ the defenses is a good thing.
I’m glad you’ve found this blog too — I hope you keep coming back…
And please treat yourself with kindness and gentleness while you are experiencing so much pain…
Warmly,
Kathy
working on my depression without meds « life in the plural said,
September 16, 2009 at 4:37 am
[...] yesterday- it’s about dissociative disorders, and it’s written by a trauma therapist. Thi post describes exactly how I feel right now. Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)i am [...]
pilgrimchild said,
October 20, 2009 at 9:21 pm
That’s how most of my life has been. One heartbreak after another until now it feels like we don’t have a heart left.
The last time, the worst, even worse than the abuse and stuff, was when my therapist dumped us out of nowhere one night, even though she promised to never leave us, promised that she wouldn’t ever hurt us. But then she said she was “done”, she said she couldn’t help us anymore. After 7 years of being a nice lady she just left and then ignored us after that night and now won’t talk to us anymore and she doesn’t care anymore, even though she promised to never hurt us. That was the worst thing. And we can’t get over it.
Kathy Broady said,
October 28, 2009 at 6:02 am
pilgrimchild,
I am so very sorry to hear your story….
I do understand this heartbreak… getting dumped out of nowhere after 7 yrs of a what you felt was a positive, healing relationship, is really tremendously painful. And very hard to get over… (so be kind to yourself about that one…)
I’m sorry your heart hurts…
Your heart is probably well defended again by now, but I bet you still have one…
It’s just hurts….
Kathy