July 4, 2009
20 Signs of Unresolved Trauma
Posted in Depression, DID Education, DID/MPD, Dissociative Identity Disorder, mental health, Self Injury, therapy, Trauma tagged AbuseConsultants, AbuseConsultants.com, Addictions, Anorexia, Anxiety, Attachment Issues, Black and white thinking, Body Memories, Bulimia, Conflict, CSA Symptoms, Depression, DID/MPD, dissociative disorders, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Dysfunctional Relationships, Eating Disorders, emotional pain, Fear, Flashbacks, Kathy Broady, Lost Time, Missing Time, pain, Panic Attacks, Perpetrators, Rescuer role, Self Destruction, Self Harm, Self Injury, Self-hatred, sexual abuse, Suicidal Behavior, Suicidal Thoughts, Trauma, Unresolved Trauma, Victim role at 8:14 pm by Kathy Broady
Many people enter the therapy process with minimal awareness of their trauma history. When the trauma survivors are dissociative, they have the ability to block out an awareness of their trauma. They may know that their family had problems, or that their family was dysfunctional, etc, but they may believe they were never abused.
However, blocking out conscious awareness of trauma does not mean that the survivors have no effects of that trauma. Using denial and dissociative skills does not mean that the abuse did not happen. Denial means that the person simply is refusing to acknowledge or accept the fact that they were traumatized. They are pretending they were not hurt, when they were actually hurt very badly.
Even if the memories of abuse are hidden from the survivor’s awareness, blocked trauma / unresolved trauma creates very noticeable and obvious symptoms that can be easily seen in their every day lives.
People will enter therapy aware of some of the following symptoms, but they may not realize these complications are suggestive of unresolved trauma issues:
.
1. Addictive behaviors – excessively turning to drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, gambling as a way to push difficult emotions and upsetting trauma content further away.
2. An inability to tolerate conflicts with others – having a fear of conflict, running from conflict, avoiding conflict, maintaining skewed perceptions of conflict
3. An inability to tolerate intense feelings, preferring to avoid feeling by any number of ways
4. An innate belief that they are bad, worthless, without value or importance
5. Black and white thinking, all or nothing thinking, even if this approach ends up harming themselves
6. Chronic and repeated suicidal thoughts and feelings
7. Disorganized attachment patterns – having a variety of short but intense relationships, refusing to have any relationships, dysfunctional relationships, frequent love/hate relationships
8. Dissociation, spacing out, losing time, missing time, feeling like you are two completely different people (or more than two)
9. Eating disorders – anorexia, bulimia, obesity, etc
10. Excessive sense of self-blame – taking on inappropriate responsibility as if everything is their fault, making excessive apologies
11. Inappropriate attachments to mother figures or father figures, even with dysfunctional or unhealthy people
12. Intense anxiety and repeated panic attacks
13. Intrusive thoughts, upsetting visual images, flashbacks, body memories / unexplained body pain, or distressing nightmares
14. Ongoing, chronic depression
15. Repeatedly acting from a victim role in current day relationships
16. Repeatedly taking on the rescuer role, even when inappropriate to do so
17. Self-harm, self-mutilation, self-injury, self-destruction
18. Suicidal actions and behaviors, failed attempts to suicide
19. Taking the perpetrator role / angry aggressor in relationships
20. Unexplained but intense fears of people, places, things
.
These same symptoms can be applied for survivors already working in therapy. Attending regular therapy does not mean the clients have resolved their trauma issues or that they are even working in that general direction. Many therapy clients will continue to deny, dissociate, and refuse to look at their trauma even if they are aware of their daily struggles.
If you are experiencing a number of the symptoms listed above, ask yourself if you are truly ready to address your trauma issues, or if you find it more comfortable to continue living with these struggles.
Is it harder to face how you were abused and who abused you? Or is it harder to live a life full of depression, anxiety, thoughts of suicide, troubled relationships, extreme fears, physical pain, and addictions?
Running from your trauma history will not help you feel better. In the short-run, you might not have to face the issues, but the cost in the long-run of unresolved trauma weighs more heavily than you might suspect.
Your life can be better than it is.
Be brave – face your trauma issues!
__________
By:
Kathy Broady LCSW
soulfeet said,
July 4, 2009 at 9:05 pm
Wow…what a list and eye opener.
I’m still working through denial aspects. I go back and forth, but am making headway!!
Thanks for these great articles.
mymotleymind said,
July 5, 2009 at 11:02 am
Oh my. That list is discouraging considering I’ve been in therapy for 13 years (7 yrs with first, 6 yrs with current) and am still plagued by nearly all 20, though to a lesser degree than before therapy. It makes more than one wonder if we’ll ever be healed!
Kathy Broady said,
July 5, 2009 at 4:41 pm
hi mymotleymind,
Thanks for posting here at Discussing Dissociation.
Unfortunately, the effects of trauma can be so much more extensive than people realize. Look at the overall level of intensity you are feeling. I think that “the list as a whole” can be issues for trauma survivors for a very long time. It’s not like one can be done with an item, and then be done with the next item, etc. The symptoms all mix together a lot.
The good news is — you are experiencing a lesser degree of the symptoms than you used to experience. THAT is the way to look at your progress. Yes, you might experience a lot of those things as you continue to work thru’ your healing, but you really will experience a lessening intensity of the problem areas are you having.
Good luck… and keep at it. You’re making progress… that’s the main thing….
Kathy
llocket said,
July 5, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Im sorry, I usually just read your articles as Im not very good at articulating how things are for me, but this one makes me just think ‘oh dear’ and kinda adds to the despondency Ive been feeling for a while. Ive been in specialised therapy for over a year. I have almost all on your list. I know, as in really know, that I got badly hurt. Sometimes Im sure there is a lot Im not aware of, but I think maybe its just that I want what I do know to be enough. Like any more and it will be even worse.
LL
Kathy Broady said,
July 5, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Hi LL,
Thanks for posting – you did a good job saying how overwhelming and discouraging it can feel…. I understand that… I’m sorry the load has been so very heavy for you…
It is true that the effects of severe sexual abuse permeate so much of the survivor’s life — abuse really really does a lot of harm… and living with dysfunctional, abusive parents / family members adds to years of relationship troubles, etc.
I think that seeing the bigger picture all at the same time can be very hard for survivors – at the same time, it’s all there, and while it might be more manageable to not have to face it so intensely all the time, having an honest look at it all every now and then can be helpful…
Keep working at your healing, and it will get better from here –
Kathy
plattergirl said,
July 5, 2009 at 5:59 pm
I was raised in a sexually abusive environment and it manifested itself in my adult life against my will. I tried very hard to overcome an addictive desire to be desired which I was taught was the most important thing a woman could be. Despite a very happy marriage and a very successful life, I could not overcome the feeling that I had to be sexualized by a man who was, to me, my father’s surrogate. This was so devastating to me that after many years of suffering, I finally put all my trauma and misery into a large breast tumor, the site of my molestation and due to a large port wine stain, an area of fascination to my “surrogate”. It was high risk cancer and as part of my treatment, I had a type of bone marrow transplant known as “stem cell rescue”. I burned out my compromised immune system and my abuse with high dose chemotherapy and made every cell in my body alone in a sterile room. A rebirth and a deeply transformational healing. My story is told in bold detail in my new book, Silver Platter Girl. My blog is http://www.silverplattertalk.com. My website is http://www.silverplattergirl.com. I hope for the same kind of wonderful healing for all of you. I am starting a national PR campaign for the book in a week and will be on many radio stations and in many print and online publications. See my recent posting on the Huffington Post at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/trish-kinney/sexual-abuse-takes-toll-o_b_219801.html It is my goal to begin this discussion openly and to address the physical toll that abuse can take, particularly sexual abuse. Remember, the truth is your best ally. Know your own story and don’t be afraid to tell. It is the path to healing. Would love to hear from all of you. My book is my gift to each and every one of you.
trish kinney
muffledones said,
July 5, 2009 at 11:15 pm
could you add:
21. feeling like your living life in a bubble?
22. being perpetually confused?
23. having ALOT of internal conflict?
and add to # 4 disgusting
muffledones said,
July 5, 2009 at 11:16 pm
24. feeling that there is a black evil thing inside
gobbies said,
July 6, 2009 at 9:37 am
This helps break my denial. I can see almost all, if not all, in the way I used to be before I “knew”. I still experience it alot, but to a much much lesser extent which is good. Denial really is one of my biggest issues, so things like this help. They are likely the only “proof” I will ever have.
Gobbies
Rainbow Socks said,
July 6, 2009 at 2:16 pm
I recognize many of the points, but I am struggeling with the concept of ‘having trauma’ even though I am being ‘told’ it is so. Basically my issue (I think) is neglect. It is ‘always’ about abuse and trauma, never neglect and trauma. Therefore it feels like it doesnt count, becuase there is no /bad/ ‘and then this happened and then this happened’ type of story to be told.
Thus, I would be interesting in reading your thoughts on neglect relating to trauma (and or effect), and/or links, or older posts I have failed to identify.
Btw: have been reading your site for a while, and find it informative and interesting
juliewtf said,
July 6, 2009 at 9:47 pm
Hi Kathy,
#3 on the list, “unable to tolerate intense feelings ” I can’t figure out what that might mean. You say something about avoiding feelings.
Does it mean, pushing them away? Or not reacting to certain feelings in a proper way?
It should be obvious but for the life of me, I cant figure out the exact meaning.
Kathy Broady said,
July 7, 2009 at 3:41 pm
Hi Rainbow Socks,
I’m glad to hear you’ve been a frequent reader Discussing Dissociation! Thank you for your comment – it’s nice to meet you.
You are very correct about the effects of neglect. Around here in Texas, we consider neglect to be a type of abuse, but I understand your concern — it could very well have it’s own mention. It certainly causes enough harm to have it’s own mention, that’s true.
Neglect is a very serious offense, and it causes a lot of deep emotional harm. In some ways, neglect is even harder to address because of its intangible nature — it’s hard to put into specifics all the effects of severe neglect. But the effects are long-term, especially in the areas of appropriate self care and interpersonal relationships. So yes, it absolutely “counts” as an abuse – as a form of maltreatment — and its effects are severe.
I haven’t written a blog post specifically on neglect as an isolated topic. Good point — I’ll add that to the list!
Thanks for your comment, and I’m glad to hear that you have been reading here for awhile, and that you’ve found it to be informative and interesting. That’s excellent news.
Thanks!
Kathy
Kathy Broady said,
July 7, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Hi juliewtf,
Good question – and it means both of those things.
When people cannot sit with their intense feelings (ie: they cannot “tolerate” having those intense feelings”), they will either push them away in any variety of inappropriate responses, or they will express them in any variety of inappropriate responses. The point being, the emotion is just tooo intense for them to manage and the person will respond accordingly. This can lead to a number of forms of self injury / addictions / overly aggressive behaviors / self destructive behaviors / dissociation, etc.
Being able to tolerate intense emotion is the opposite of pushing that emotion away in whatever form that person uses. The more frequently someone can feel their feelings, and stay safely grounded and in a state of self-control while they do so, they healthier they are. Sitting with emotion is not as easy as it sounds tho’, so it takes a lot of hard work to do that!
Thanks for your comment. I appreciate the question.
Kathy
mmaaggnnaa said,
July 7, 2009 at 6:10 pm
Hi, Kathy -
For me, seeing all that in a list helps me understand that the reason for many of these conditions being manifested in my life is because I suffered trauma — rather than because I am bad. That is good news!
- Marie (Coming Out of the Trees)
http://mmaaggnnaa.wordpress.com/
missinginsight said,
July 8, 2009 at 8:53 am
Kathy,
What a great post! I wish I had read it earlier.
I think what gets me stuck is I know I was abused, but I don’t have the memories. I say to myself that I’m ready to address the trauma history, but I can’t access the parts of me that hold the memories.
I wish I could do better. I want a life and I will never have one as long as my trauma history is unresolved.
Becca of Missing In Sight
muffledones said,
July 8, 2009 at 12:39 pm
I am w/Rainbow socks. Its hard to have a DD w/seemingly not enuf of a reason to have one. Its hard enuf to accept as it is.
I MAY have had something happen very young, I can only surmise due to my odd triggers.
But I think also I may have suffered from fairly severe anxiety.(My IRL kids do. I don’t remember my childhood). I think unrecognized/untreated severe anxiety in a child would be VERY ongoingly traumatic.
I also as a child suffered w/severe asthma episodes that would go on for days at a time, where I could literally not even call for help. I was left alone on another floor of the house cuz my Ma had other kids to care for too. I feared dying alone, of not being able to get that next breath. This must have been very traumatic.
So I don’t know for sure, cuz my memory is severly limited. I think there is possible brain damage due to lack of oxygen w/the asthma.
So, ya, I find it REALLY frustrating that its always out there, that if you dissociate, there MUST be a reason, that being SEVERE trauma like OVERT abuse, neglect etc.
I don’t know that I had this. I suspect I will never know.
But ongoingly I feel badly, like maybe I am being untruthful somehow
But I dunno that I am?
I know I AM avoiding….something.
But maybe its just the feelings, there must have been alot of fear. I dunno?
So, I will never know the ‘facts’, which frustrates me, cuz I am supposed to ‘process’. But how? No facts.
I guess I just a liar.
I wish I WAS pretendiing the dissociation. I wish I could just stop it.
I CAN’T.
I want it to stop SO BAD.
Sometimes I hate life so much cuz it gets too crazy, but MOSTLY I just want to live. Cuz there IS good out there.
I wann a raise my kids to be OK.
I feel so bad that I not doing a good job
I trying SO hard, but its not good enuf.
I never fit in.
I don’t even fit in w/dissociation.
I the weird random freak that dissociates cuz i a weak person. I got no real reason to be so dissociative.
Ya Kathy, I wish you WOULD write something bout this, bout how somes just got no history. Cuz its hard too.
I am NOT lying.
Ones
muffledones said,
July 8, 2009 at 12:40 pm
sorry that was long…
Kathy Broady said,
July 9, 2009 at 3:24 am
Hi Marie,
Yes… these are some of the EFFECTS of the trauma… and certainly not because of your having “badness”.
My guess is… you are still a really good person. Even if you have a few trauma issues to deal with, your value as a person has always been there.
You might “wear” the effects of trauma much like people wear a shirt. But the person is not the shirt, although visibly, the shirt is one of the first things you see when you meet the person. What you wear and who you are are very different….
Hold on to those thoughts -
Kathy
Kathy Broady said,
July 9, 2009 at 3:34 am
Hi Becca,
Thank you — I’m glad you liked this blog post. That’s always great news to hear.
Have you tried some of the non-direct ways of reaching the insiders that have the trauma memories? ie: scrapbooking, collage, creative writing, art work, etc. ? Sometimes direct questions just do not work, so trying creative options can be really helpful.
Also — would you all consider letting the insiders tell their memories while speaking on their own, with their own voice, and letting the host step aside while the insiders speak for themselves? Altho’ I realize many therapists expect all the trauma material to be presented “thru’ the host” parts, in my experience, that just does not always work. So… if the host is willing to step aside, and let the insiders have some time to speak for themselves first, the insiders (the ones who were more present during the actual moments of trauma) may be able to say something.
Just some thoughts –
Kathy
muffledones said,
July 9, 2009 at 10:04 am
yeah.
I not fit in. My words wrong.
Ok. S’ok.
I go.
shenison said,
July 14, 2009 at 2:29 pm
This is a great post.
I have been in therapy for two years, eighteen months with the current therapist. Even though I have retrieved a lot of lost memories, I still sometimes question whether what I remember is real. Is this common? Its so hard for me, at times, to justify my anger and the way I am so reactive, in general, because I don’t really believe it’s true at the deepest level.
Is this denial?
Does it go away?
As I read the list, I found it as further proof that there must have been things that happened, and so probably the things I remember are real. My therapist says it doesn’t really matter what the details were of my past, that the essense of what I remember is validated by my symptoms. Still, I wonder if I will ever really be able to believe it.
By the way, I could only find three things on the list I could possibly answer no to.
birdonthewire2008 said,
July 21, 2009 at 7:02 am
I’d look forward to seeing a post about neglect. Like Rainbow Socks, this is my issue and one in which I’m finding there isn’t much out there affirming that this is indeed abuse. In my case, it included loooong stretches of silent treatment that started at a very young age and which was used as a weapon against me throughout all the years I lived at home. Very damaging – to this day, I often feel invisible. And damaged. Your thoughts on this kind of thing would be appreciated.
juliewtf said,
July 23, 2009 at 12:27 pm
I agree on the neglect thing. Out of all the things that has happened, was not being spoke to or acknowledged for a week or two at a time, was one of the worse.
You would think to not have any attention brought to you, would be better. What happens is that you begin to actually think that you dont exist. You actually become invisible.
Kathy Broady said,
August 1, 2009 at 6:36 pm
ok
I see that an article on about neglect / the effects of neglect has been requested by a few of you. I’ll definitely put that on my To Do List.
Being neglected to the point of feeling invisible… that starts to equal not being valued or valuable…
It certainly affects the way people feel about themselves….
I’ll write more when I can.
Thank you, all of you, for making your comments. I appreciate hearing from you.
Kathy
pilgrimchild said,
November 23, 2009 at 10:48 am
Hm.
17 signs out of 20…. guess that is not too good.
sallysmith86 said,
December 2, 2009 at 2:16 am
Wow… feels like ive had the air knocked out of me and punched in the gut. And … it felt really good to hear… someone else knows what the “feeling like evil is inside you” feels like. I always thought I was the only one with that feeling.
I think one thing that makes it soo very hard for me to deal with thr denial… and not push away insiders… is accepting that it could have still happened even if I can’t remember it. That is so hard for me to wrap my head around. My mom used to always say if you couldn’t remember something happening but you thought it had happened… then that was your brain trying to ‘make something up’ so as to back up your feelings. She didn’t ever believe about my insiders. But then I’m now learning… trying to accept that she -may have been- abusive. I’m trying. lol the hardest thing for me is that so many thing insiders say… sound too horrific to me to be possible. but our friend always believes us. and says that if insiders are ‘remembering’ it then it happened. and even though I have a hard time believing him…. there’s always a sense of peace and safety and validation inside just by knowing that he believes it.. even if I can’t understand/believe it… I try,… but it’s soo hard and I always belittle myself and minimize my own feelings… as I am now coming to understand.
We’ll get there!
lol sometimes feels like it will never end lol But I’m determined to get to the bottom of it… lmao I hate leaving things unfinished 
Sally
muffledones said,
December 2, 2009 at 3:20 pm
I think we need to be REALLY careful here.
DD’s are more often being dx as more is known about them.
More and more its being understood how much people dissociate for whatever reasons day to day, or under stress etc.
Also trauma is subjective. So what is big T trauma for one person, might not be such a big deal for another…
Also, there seems to be at this time 4 points that are associated w/DD.
1.being predisposed to disoociating(either genetically or personality)
2.being around a dissociative person who is your caregiver
3. trauma of some sort
4. LACK of support to process trauma, whatever it was.
So being that DD’s are being more mainstream and dx’d more, then your going to have a greater range of REASONS for DD.
NOT ALL DD IS DUE TO SEVERE ONGOING TRAUMA.
This makes me mental(pardon the pun).
I am trying very hard not to ‘influence’ my therapy, or whats in my head.
Yet I see it over and over and over that I MUST have had terrible trauma to be dissociative. (FWIW I don’t feel I am DID, mebbe more like DDNOS).
So on some levels I feel I must fabricate or FIND the ‘hidden’ source of why I am DD’ed. I need an ‘explanation’ for why I am the way I am. According to most of what I read, I MUST have been horribly abused. I MUST be in denial.
This is so NOT to take away from the denial aspect. Oh ya, I am the queen of denial in many things. But more and more, I am thinking that I am pretty darn sure I was not SA or physically abused.
I think I had a sharp mind so I picked up on stuff I didn’t understand, and had little support. I couldn’t express strong emotions cuz I was allus worried my Mom would be hauled away cuz she was so stressed. My sib next to me had issues of some sort that were very challenging to live with, but I couldn’t ‘fight’ back, cuz sib would get upset, and this might upset my fragile mom, so I had to learn to tamp down my emotions. I had noone to go to about my fears etc, cuz mental health stuff(eg my Ma) was NOT talked about in those days. We allus had to keep up appearancesof being a nice family.
So this besides my health issues must have been ongoingly stressful.
And IMHO was probably enuf for me to become dissociative.
So my Ma did not abuse me in ANY way that I am aware of. Noone did. Other than small instances perhaps from other caregivers, I don’t think there was alot of probs in my history. NOONE has a perfect history, everybody has ‘stuff’ happen in one way or another.
Its mostly just ME, the way I was made. I couldn’t handle life, it was all too much, so I blanked it out.
Sorry bout the rant, just its really frustrating to keep getting this ‘severe abuse’ thing thrown in my face.
Just makes me further want to hide my dx and not admit it to anyone. Cuz they will assume I was horrifically abused(and that it must be my family) and I beleive I honestly wasn’t.
I WILL allow for the fact there is a possibility, that when I was very young, that ‘maybe’ there could have been ‘some’thing that happened, cuz I AM good at denial, but I doubt it, and even if there was, it was not ongoing.
I just think when ‘people’(?-I dunno, the ‘experts’?) out there talk about DD they should be MUCH more clear about the fact that it CAN be due to medical conditions , neglect , teasing, lack of support etc etc etc.
I think there have been some twin studies done that said it was not genetic, but I am still of the thot there is somehow a genetic component to it too. But perhaps that could be put down to exposure to another DD person.
My son, I think he tends to dissociate, but I think in his case, its cuz from infancy, he was extreemly easily stimulated by lights, sounds etc. He didn’t just do the Moro relex at sudden sounds, he had a small seizure and his eyes would roll back in his head. After being in the mall in his stroller, later that afternoon he would scream and scream unable to be soothed in order to discharge the energy he had built up internally coping from being exposed to all the lights sounds at the mall.
Yes, he has also been raised w/a Mom who dissociates……but I honestly don’t think anybody abused him. There wouldn’t have been much opportunities as I was a very protective Mom.
So I dunno.
Severe and ongoing abuse in his case…no, I am sure of that. It was rough for him I think having me as his Mom, and I went thru huge doubts wondering….COULD I have abused him somehow and not known???? But I have realized I could not have. I think I have good enuf internal communication as far as present day stuff, that I would know. There would be a small doubt. But after much thot, thankfully I have no doubts.
So,
YES, many who have dd have been abused, but not ALL, not 97% IMHO. I don’t necc think its even 97% of people w/full blown DID, though for sure the numbers would be higher.
So yes, you MAY have been abused, you may not have been.
The abuse may or may not have been ongoing or severe.(remember its subjective-but nevertheless real trauma to the one who endured it)
It might have been a babysitter or anybody you were in the care of. It might have been a one off, or it might have been ongoing.
But also…. it might not have been.
Also, one last point.
Is I have an approx 10 y/o boy part that loves nothing better than to get attn(internally) by embellishing and blood and gore type stuff. Kinda normal 10 y/o boy stuff. So I have to be REALLY careful to note WHERE some of my more ‘out there’ stuff is comming from. Is it from the boy? cuz then I goto take it w/a large grain of salt. Is the info comming from a more reliable source? well then maybe I need to revisit it.
Also, how a kid experiences stuff, is VERY different from how an adult does.
I struggle alot w/trying to understand stuff my ikids say, cuz it seems nonsensical, but then, when I realize its from a young kid, and try and get my head into a kids way of thinking….well then it makes alot more sense.
I have heard that babies while potty training can get WAY upset when you flush the ‘reults’ down the toilet. WTF???? well see, to THEM, the ‘results’ came out of them, its a part of them, and there you are flushing a part of them down the toilet
I can think of many examples, but I’ll leave it a that.
So thats my thots.
I may change my tune, but at this point in time, this is my opinion personally, and also derived from what I have read and heard from other people.
I hope I have in no way made anyone feel bad. Sometimes my words are clear to me what I mean, but then come across very differently to another.
I am not minimizing DD. I am not saying bad things didn’t happen.
I am just saying to be careful is all.
Therapy for this stuff takes time. I don’t think its necessary to rush in and start ‘hunting’ for abuse. Just take it slow. If there was abuse, likely it will eventually come up. If there wasn’t abuse thats OK too, cuz trauma and abuse take many forms, and we as individuals are all different.
Its a big topic.
Obvo a thorn in MY side huh?
Thx
Countdown to Abandonment – C: Week 33 « Confessions of a Serial Insomniac said,
December 8, 2009 at 6:46 pm
[...] that we were on something of a discursive roll, I presented him with a print-out of this post from Kathy Broady’s blog. I had analysed the piece bit by bit in terms of its applicability [...]
Countdown to Abandonment – C: Week 33 « Confessions of a Serial Insomniac said,
December 8, 2009 at 8:10 pm
[...] that we were on something of a discursive roll, I presented him with a print-out of this post from Kathy Broady’s blog. I had analysed the piece bit by bit in terms of its applicability [...]
Kathy Broady said,
December 9, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Insomniac,
Thank you for linking to my blog article, and thank you for sharing with so much passion about how you used this blog article with your therapist in your therapy session. That means a lot to me as a person. It’s pretty amazing to think that my work is being used for help and healing in therapy offices around the world – wow. !!
I hope that this blog continues to be helpful for you. The fact that you are using my writings to help challenge your own thinking, to explore your feelings, and to help address the issues in your own healing is an incredible compliment to me.
Thank you.
I truly wish you the best in your healing journey…
Warmly,
Kathy
Serial Insomniac said,
December 9, 2009 at 7:05 pm
Kathy, you are very welcome
It’s actually not the first time I’ve taken something to therapy that you’ve written! I find your blog incredibly insightful and, of course, helpful and am very grateful for the time you take to write it. Thank you 
All the best
SI x
peacesoflife said,
December 10, 2009 at 1:12 am
It is a shame, that #18 and our failure to carry that out.
Just reinforces our feelings of failure. Catch 22.
Kathy Broady said,
December 10, 2009 at 2:09 pm
oh dear, ouch….
peacesoflife…
I hope that someday you can feel glad that you are still here…
And I hope there can be peace in life for you too.
Kathy
Kathy Broady said,
December 10, 2009 at 2:11 pm
Thanks again, Insomniac
I’m glad the blog is helpful.
You’ve made my day.
Kathy
Kathy Broady said,
December 10, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Muffled Ones…
I can appreciate that your opinion is different from mine – that is ok.
However, I will say that in the 20+ years I have worked with DID survivors, ALL of the DID survivors that I have worked with on an individual basis (the people that I really got to know) have had severe trauma. Not all of them had ongoing trauma (meaning current day abuse), but some did (and still do). But ALL of the DID survivors that I know have had severe trauma histories, specifically during childhood.
I do think that there are parts of most DID systems that may not have had any direct abuse happen to them. There are usually parts of the system that know nothing of any trauma. That doesn’t mean that no trauma happened. It means that that specific part doesn’t know about any trauma happening. Dissociative walls and amnesiac barriers can be incredibly strong. The info about the trauma can be kept from some parts in the system.
However, that means that others in the system experienced the abuse. There may be giant huge dissociative walls between those that know about the abuse from those that didn’t know about the abuse, but the person as a whole would have had a traumatic, abusive history.
You — as your own self — may not be “in denial” per se, as the abuse may really not have happened to the “you” who you are in your system.
But ask inside. Ask the others within your system if THEY were abused. They will have information about the overall life that you have not been allowed to know.
In my years of work at a DID specialist, there has always, always been parts in the system who know about the abuse.
The bigger question is — if you were kept separated from the abuse, are you willing to listen to what the others in your system have to say about their life experiences? Whether you do or don’t do this is a topic for you and your therapist to discuss – it’s definitely not my call to tell you that you have to do that (because you don’t). But in my years as a DID therapist, this is one of the starting questions I ask when working with the parts that don’t know about the abuse.
Good luck to you in your healing journey -
Kathy
muffledones said,
December 10, 2009 at 3:55 pm
oh
muffledones said,
December 10, 2009 at 5:43 pm
But I don’t think so.
We allus stay away from parts, cept whoever comes and goes.
Them parts inside gots emotions we reckon YUK. We not much for emotions…
So we stay away.
Panic stations, emotions freak us.
Sides, we not DID either, we reckon we a step down from that.
We sposed to LITTLE LITTLE bit mebbe listen and look inside and stuff.
Little bit only.
But nothing bad there. We be sure. We lucky I guess.
We just gots emotions and dunno what to do them things.
Makes the stomach hurt lotsa times. Mebbe we sick. Dunno.
I think we was oversensitive hyper kid is what, that why we be like this is all.
I hope I don’t sound dumb
Lotta noise.
Thats all.
Best Tweets for Trauma Survivors (week ending 02/19/10) « Third of a Lifetime said,
February 19, 2010 at 5:17 pm
[...] @Kathy_B_from_AC 20 Signs of Unresolved Trauma [...]
Kathy Broady said,
February 19, 2010 at 9:35 pm
Oh a Best Tweet Award!
THANKS!!!
Kathy Broady said,
February 23, 2010 at 4:19 pm
And this particular article is one of the top three pages viewed on this blog.
This makes sense to me – there are a lot of people out there with unresolved trauma issues. I hope this article is helpful for you.
Warmly,
Kathy
Countdown to Abandonment – C: Week 33 » Confessions of a Serial Insomniac said,
March 4, 2010 at 7:41 am
[...] that we were on something of a discursive roll, I presented him with a print-out of this post from Kathy Broady’s blog. I had analysed the piece bit by bit in terms of its applicability [...]
BPD vs C-PTSD » Confessions of a Serial Insomniac said,
March 7, 2010 at 1:16 pm
[...] of incidents of which I’d not previously been aware, and certainly a lot of my symptoms seem to imply that I am (or have been) afflicted by considerable dissociation. On Thursday (about which I must [...]
Tissue Paper and Dry Mouth | Excitable Gurelle - The Queen of Bipolar said,
May 13, 2012 at 8:05 pm
[...] Discussing Dissociation ~Thoughts from a Trauma Therapist….here [...]
chris41894 said,
December 25, 2012 at 4:16 pm
This is my first time on this site I have read alot on this page and I have some of those symptoms but let me begin by introducing myself, my name is Christopher I am 18years old and have been dealing with a problem that I can’t seem to figure out I am not seeking therapy yet but I want to. So anyways I don’t know when exactly I started feeling this way but it’s been like serious lately about 2years I lost interest in almost everything I loved before, I feel lonely in a way, I have no control of my thoughts meaning random stuff will just pop up and won’t go away I keep thinking about life and the purpose of life what’s the point of living if we have to struggle ect, I get frustrated by the smallest thing most days some days I’m sad for no reason but sometimes it will last for a few weeks a month more or less. I use to have a I don’t care aditude and just want to live life to the fullest no matter what. But now it’s all mixed and I’m confused I don’t feel myself anymore I’m not who I used to be. It’s hard to explain everything but the worst of all of it is that nothing seems real at times I space out and feel like it’s a dream for a moment. My family and friends just tell me to talk about it or ignore it but its impossible! Nothing seems real I’m not myself I don’t recall my childhood only bits and pieces. I’m losing my mind I can’t find peace I don’t know what makes me happy anymore and the weirdest part is I fear if I do seek help and I get cured would I still be the same person if I was meant to be how I am now why should I change it then there’s everything happens for a reason and just go with the flow in life, and I will be honest I am on drugs I am not addicted I’ve went cold turkey and quit for 4months but didn’t abuse it or fein for drugs. Kathy if can please help me understand atleast just a bit of what is going on with me it would be much appreciated and would ease my mind a bit, and sorry for the long comment :/
mm172001 said,
January 29, 2013 at 9:09 pm
Reblogged this on Mm172001's Blog and commented:
I’ve been thinking about dissociation a lot recently. And came across this blog post. It’s undeniable that I’ve had trauma in my life, multiple traumas in fact and those are just ones I know about. I relate to numbers 2-8, 10, 12-15, 17, 18, and 20. So that’s 15 out of 20.
Puddin' Chops (@Christal_L) said,
February 10, 2013 at 7:33 pm
Im from Excitable Gurelle and I don’t remember placing that link. Please forgive us. Obviously one did, lol. I promise Im not trolling for readers. Again, so sorry
Mary Stacey said,
February 24, 2013 at 12:08 am
35 yrs knowing i have block out the night my mom died and no family help ever and don’t know how to remember but can’t stop the pain
journeyofthebrokenpieces said,
February 24, 2013 at 10:18 am
I read this and was just amazed how I still deal with several of these even though I am currently working with a therapist. Thanks for listing this. I would like to add this list to my own blog, giving credit to you of course, and a link back to your own blog. You always have great info and insight.
Thank you.
Healing
PTSD, Part I | thethunderandtheroar said,
April 20, 2013 at 7:42 pm
[...] was looking up some signs of unresolved trauma (mostly relating to dissociation) and came across this awesome list. The ones that apply to me are in bold (and there are way more than I [...]
AlcoholismRecoveryMedications.com | Learn About Alcoholism Recovery Medications said,
April 23, 2013 at 10:19 am
[...] the problem is unresolved trauma, alcohol was never going to solve that problem; only drown it. In fact, the consumer’s goal [...]