07.04.09
20 Signs of Unresolved Trauma
Posted in DID Education, DID/MPD, Depression, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Self Injury, Trauma, mental health, therapy tagged Dissociative Identity Disorder, sexual abuse, Self Injury, Anxiety, dissociative disorders, Trauma, pain, emotional pain, Depression, Body Memories, Suicidal Behavior, Fear, Kathy Broady, Self Harm, Conflict, DID/MPD, Self-hatred, Self Destruction, Perpetrators, Lost Time, Anorexia, Flashbacks, AbuseConsultants, AbuseConsultants.com, Missing Time, Suicidal Thoughts, Addictions, Panic Attacks, Eating Disorders, Attachment Issues, Unresolved Trauma, Dysfunctional Relationships, Victim role, Rescuer role, Black and white thinking, Bulimia, CSA Symptoms at 8:14 pm by Kathy Broady
Many people enter the therapy process with minimal awareness of their trauma history. When the trauma survivors are dissociative, they have the ability to block out an awareness of their trauma. They may know that their family had problems, or that their family was dysfunctional, etc, but they may believe they were never abused.
However, blocking out conscious awareness of trauma does not mean that the survivors have no effects of that trauma. Using denial and dissociative skills does not mean that the abuse did not happen. Denial means that the person simply is refusing to acknowledge or accept the fact that they were traumatized. They are pretending they were not hurt, when they were actually hurt very badly.
Even if the memories of abuse are hidden from the survivor’s awareness, blocked trauma / unresolved trauma creates very noticeable and obvious symptoms that can be easily seen in their every day lives.
People will enter therapy aware of some of the following symptoms, but they may not realize these complications are suggestive of unresolved trauma issues:
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1. Addictive behaviors – excessively turning to drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, gambling as a way to push difficult emotions and upsetting trauma content further away.
2. An inability to tolerate conflicts with others – having a fear of conflict, running from conflict, avoiding conflict, maintaining skewed perceptions of conflict
3. An inability to tolerate intense feelings, preferring to avoid feeling by any number of ways
4. An innate belief that they are bad, worthless, without value or importance
5. Black and white thinking, all or nothing thinking, even if this approach ends up harming themselves
6. Chronic and repeated suicidal thoughts and feelings
7. Disorganized attachment patterns – having a variety of short but intense relationships, refusing to have any relationships, dysfunctional relationships, frequent love/hate relationships
8. Dissociation, spacing out, losing time, missing time, feeling like you are two completely different people (or more than two)
9. Eating disorders – anorexia, bulimia, obesity, etc
10. Excessive sense of self-blame – taking on inappropriate responsibility as if everything is their fault, making excessive apologies
11. Inappropriate attachments to mother figures or father figures, even with dysfunctional or unhealthy people
12. Intense anxiety and repeated panic attacks
13. Intrusive thoughts, upsetting visual images, flashbacks, body memories / unexplained body pain, or distressing nightmares
14. Ongoing, chronic depression
15. Repeatedly acting from a victim role in current day relationships
16. Repeatedly taking on the rescuer role, even when inappropriate to do so
17. Self-harm, self-mutilation, self-injury, self-destruction
18. Suicidal actions and behaviors, failed attempts to suicide
19. Taking the perpetrator role / angry aggressor in relationships
20. Unexplained but intense fears of people, places, things
.
These same symptoms can be applied for survivors already working in therapy. Attending regular therapy does not mean the clients have resolved their trauma issues or that they are even working in that general direction. Many therapy clients will continue to deny, dissociate, and refuse to look at their trauma even if they are aware of their daily struggles.
If you are experiencing a number of the symptoms listed above, ask yourself if you are truly ready to address your trauma issues, or if you find it more comfortable to continue living with these struggles.
Is it harder to face how you were abused and who abused you? Or is it harder to live a life full of depression, anxiety, thoughts of suicide, troubled relationships, extreme fears, physical pain, and addictions?
Running from your trauma history will not help you feel better. In the short-run, you might not have to face the issues, but the cost in the long-run of unresolved trauma weighs more heavily than you might suspect.
Your life can be better than it is.
Be brave – face your trauma issues!
__________
By:
Kathy Broady LCSW
soulfeet said,
July 4, 2009 at 9:05 pm
Wow…what a list and eye opener.
I’m still working through denial aspects. I go back and forth, but am making headway!!
Thanks for these great articles.
mymotleymind said,
July 5, 2009 at 11:02 am
Oh my. That list is discouraging considering I’ve been in therapy for 13 years (7 yrs with first, 6 yrs with current) and am still plagued by nearly all 20, though to a lesser degree than before therapy. It makes more than one wonder if we’ll ever be healed!
Kathy Broady said,
July 5, 2009 at 4:41 pm
hi mymotleymind,
Thanks for posting here at Discussing Dissociation.
Unfortunately, the effects of trauma can be so much more extensive than people realize. Look at the overall level of intensity you are feeling. I think that “the list as a whole” can be issues for trauma survivors for a very long time. It’s not like one can be done with an item, and then be done with the next item, etc. The symptoms all mix together a lot.
The good news is — you are experiencing a lesser degree of the symptoms than you used to experience. THAT is the way to look at your progress. Yes, you might experience a lot of those things as you continue to work thru’ your healing, but you really will experience a lessening intensity of the problem areas are you having.
Good luck… and keep at it. You’re making progress… that’s the main thing….
Kathy
llocket said,
July 5, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Im sorry, I usually just read your articles as Im not very good at articulating how things are for me, but this one makes me just think ‘oh dear’ and kinda adds to the despondency Ive been feeling for a while. Ive been in specialised therapy for over a year. I have almost all on your list. I know, as in really know, that I got badly hurt. Sometimes Im sure there is a lot Im not aware of, but I think maybe its just that I want what I do know to be enough. Like any more and it will be even worse.
LL
Kathy Broady said,
July 5, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Hi LL,
Thanks for posting – you did a good job saying how overwhelming and discouraging it can feel…. I understand that… I’m sorry the load has been so very heavy for you…
It is true that the effects of severe sexual abuse permeate so much of the survivor’s life — abuse really really does a lot of harm… and living with dysfunctional, abusive parents / family members adds to years of relationship troubles, etc.
I think that seeing the bigger picture all at the same time can be very hard for survivors – at the same time, it’s all there, and while it might be more manageable to not have to face it so intensely all the time, having an honest look at it all every now and then can be helpful…
Keep working at your healing, and it will get better from here –
Kathy
plattergirl said,
July 5, 2009 at 5:59 pm
I was raised in a sexually abusive environment and it manifested itself in my adult life against my will. I tried very hard to overcome an addictive desire to be desired which I was taught was the most important thing a woman could be. Despite a very happy marriage and a very successful life, I could not overcome the feeling that I had to be sexualized by a man who was, to me, my father’s surrogate. This was so devastating to me that after many years of suffering, I finally put all my trauma and misery into a large breast tumor, the site of my molestation and due to a large port wine stain, an area of fascination to my “surrogate”. It was high risk cancer and as part of my treatment, I had a type of bone marrow transplant known as “stem cell rescue”. I burned out my compromised immune system and my abuse with high dose chemotherapy and made every cell in my body alone in a sterile room. A rebirth and a deeply transformational healing. My story is told in bold detail in my new book, Silver Platter Girl. My blog is http://www.silverplattertalk.com. My website is http://www.silverplattergirl.com. I hope for the same kind of wonderful healing for all of you. I am starting a national PR campaign for the book in a week and will be on many radio stations and in many print and online publications. See my recent posting on the Huffington Post at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/trish-kinney/sexual-abuse-takes-toll-o_b_219801.html It is my goal to begin this discussion openly and to address the physical toll that abuse can take, particularly sexual abuse. Remember, the truth is your best ally. Know your own story and don’t be afraid to tell. It is the path to healing. Would love to hear from all of you. My book is my gift to each and every one of you.
trish kinney
muffledones said,
July 5, 2009 at 11:15 pm
could you add:
21. feeling like your living life in a bubble?
22. being perpetually confused?
23. having ALOT of internal conflict?
and add to # 4 disgusting
muffledones said,
July 5, 2009 at 11:16 pm
24. feeling that there is a black evil thing inside
gobbies said,
July 6, 2009 at 9:37 am
This helps break my denial. I can see almost all, if not all, in the way I used to be before I “knew”. I still experience it alot, but to a much much lesser extent which is good. Denial really is one of my biggest issues, so things like this help. They are likely the only “proof” I will ever have.
Gobbies
Rainbow Socks said,
July 6, 2009 at 2:16 pm
I recognize many of the points, but I am struggeling with the concept of ‘having trauma’ even though I am being ‘told’ it is so. Basically my issue (I think) is neglect. It is ‘always’ about abuse and trauma, never neglect and trauma. Therefore it feels like it doesnt count, becuase there is no /bad/ ‘and then this happened and then this happened’ type of story to be told.
Thus, I would be interesting in reading your thoughts on neglect relating to trauma (and or effect), and/or links, or older posts I have failed to identify.
Btw: have been reading your site for a while, and find it informative and interesting
juliewtf said,
July 6, 2009 at 9:47 pm
Hi Kathy,
#3 on the list, “unable to tolerate intense feelings ” I can’t figure out what that might mean. You say something about avoiding feelings.
Does it mean, pushing them away? Or not reacting to certain feelings in a proper way?
It should be obvious but for the life of me, I cant figure out the exact meaning.
Kathy Broady said,
July 7, 2009 at 3:41 pm
Hi Rainbow Socks,
I’m glad to hear you’ve been a frequent reader Discussing Dissociation! Thank you for your comment – it’s nice to meet you.
You are very correct about the effects of neglect. Around here in Texas, we consider neglect to be a type of abuse, but I understand your concern — it could very well have it’s own mention. It certainly causes enough harm to have it’s own mention, that’s true.
Neglect is a very serious offense, and it causes a lot of deep emotional harm. In some ways, neglect is even harder to address because of its intangible nature — it’s hard to put into specifics all the effects of severe neglect. But the effects are long-term, especially in the areas of appropriate self care and interpersonal relationships. So yes, it absolutely “counts” as an abuse – as a form of maltreatment — and its effects are severe.
I haven’t written a blog post specifically on neglect as an isolated topic. Good point — I’ll add that to the list!
Thanks for your comment, and I’m glad to hear that you have been reading here for awhile, and that you’ve found it to be informative and interesting. That’s excellent news.
Thanks!
Kathy
Kathy Broady said,
July 7, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Hi juliewtf,
Good question – and it means both of those things.
When people cannot sit with their intense feelings (ie: they cannot “tolerate” having those intense feelings”), they will either push them away in any variety of inappropriate responses, or they will express them in any variety of inappropriate responses. The point being, the emotion is just tooo intense for them to manage and the person will respond accordingly. This can lead to a number of forms of self injury / addictions / overly aggressive behaviors / self destructive behaviors / dissociation, etc.
Being able to tolerate intense emotion is the opposite of pushing that emotion away in whatever form that person uses. The more frequently someone can feel their feelings, and stay safely grounded and in a state of self-control while they do so, they healthier they are. Sitting with emotion is not as easy as it sounds tho’, so it takes a lot of hard work to do that!
Thanks for your comment. I appreciate the question.
Kathy
mmaaggnnaa said,
July 7, 2009 at 6:10 pm
Hi, Kathy -
For me, seeing all that in a list helps me understand that the reason for many of these conditions being manifested in my life is because I suffered trauma — rather than because I am bad. That is good news!
- Marie (Coming Out of the Trees)
http://mmaaggnnaa.wordpress.com/
missinginsight said,
July 8, 2009 at 8:53 am
Kathy,
What a great post! I wish I had read it earlier.
I think what gets me stuck is I know I was abused, but I don’t have the memories. I say to myself that I’m ready to address the trauma history, but I can’t access the parts of me that hold the memories.
I wish I could do better. I want a life and I will never have one as long as my trauma history is unresolved.
Becca of Missing In Sight
muffledones said,
July 8, 2009 at 12:39 pm
I am w/Rainbow socks. Its hard to have a DD w/seemingly not enuf of a reason to have one. Its hard enuf to accept as it is.
I MAY have had something happen very young, I can only surmise due to my odd triggers.
But I think also I may have suffered from fairly severe anxiety.(My IRL kids do. I don’t remember my childhood). I think unrecognized/untreated severe anxiety in a child would be VERY ongoingly traumatic.
I also as a child suffered w/severe asthma episodes that would go on for days at a time, where I could literally not even call for help. I was left alone on another floor of the house cuz my Ma had other kids to care for too. I feared dying alone, of not being able to get that next breath. This must have been very traumatic.
So I don’t know for sure, cuz my memory is severly limited. I think there is possible brain damage due to lack of oxygen w/the asthma.
So, ya, I find it REALLY frustrating that its always out there, that if you dissociate, there MUST be a reason, that being SEVERE trauma like OVERT abuse, neglect etc.
I don’t know that I had this. I suspect I will never know.
But ongoingly I feel badly, like maybe I am being untruthful somehow
But I dunno that I am?
I know I AM avoiding….something.
But maybe its just the feelings, there must have been alot of fear. I dunno?
So, I will never know the ‘facts’, which frustrates me, cuz I am supposed to ‘process’. But how? No facts.
I guess I just a liar.
I wish I WAS pretendiing the dissociation. I wish I could just stop it.
I CAN’T.
I want it to stop SO BAD.
Sometimes I hate life so much cuz it gets too crazy, but MOSTLY I just want to live. Cuz there IS good out there.
I wann a raise my kids to be OK.
I feel so bad that I not doing a good job
I trying SO hard, but its not good enuf.
I never fit in.
I don’t even fit in w/dissociation.
I the weird random freak that dissociates cuz i a weak person. I got no real reason to be so dissociative.
Ya Kathy, I wish you WOULD write something bout this, bout how somes just got no history. Cuz its hard too.
I am NOT lying.
Ones
muffledones said,
July 8, 2009 at 12:40 pm
sorry that was long…
Kathy Broady said,
July 9, 2009 at 3:24 am
Hi Marie,
Yes… these are some of the EFFECTS of the trauma… and certainly not because of your having “badness”.
My guess is… you are still a really good person. Even if you have a few trauma issues to deal with, your value as a person has always been there.
You might “wear” the effects of trauma much like people wear a shirt. But the person is not the shirt, although visibly, the shirt is one of the first things you see when you meet the person. What you wear and who you are are very different….
Hold on to those thoughts -
Kathy
Kathy Broady said,
July 9, 2009 at 3:34 am
Hi Becca,
Thank you — I’m glad you liked this blog post. That’s always great news to hear.
Have you tried some of the non-direct ways of reaching the insiders that have the trauma memories? ie: scrapbooking, collage, creative writing, art work, etc. ? Sometimes direct questions just do not work, so trying creative options can be really helpful.
Also — would you all consider letting the insiders tell their memories while speaking on their own, with their own voice, and letting the host step aside while the insiders speak for themselves? Altho’ I realize many therapists expect all the trauma material to be presented “thru’ the host” parts, in my experience, that just does not always work. So… if the host is willing to step aside, and let the insiders have some time to speak for themselves first, the insiders (the ones who were more present during the actual moments of trauma) may be able to say something.
Just some thoughts –
Kathy
shenison said,
July 14, 2009 at 2:29 pm
This is a great post.
I have been in therapy for two years, eighteen months with the current therapist. Even though I have retrieved a lot of lost memories, I still sometimes question whether what I remember is real. Is this common? Its so hard for me, at times, to justify my anger and the way I am so reactive, in general, because I don’t really believe it’s true at the deepest level.
Is this denial?
Does it go away?
As I read the list, I found it as further proof that there must have been things that happened, and so probably the things I remember are real. My therapist says it doesn’t really matter what the details were of my past, that the essense of what I remember is validated by my symptoms. Still, I wonder if I will ever really be able to believe it.
By the way, I could only find three things on the list I could possibly answer no to.
birdonthewire2008 said,
July 21, 2009 at 7:02 am
I’d look forward to seeing a post about neglect. Like Rainbow Socks, this is my issue and one in which I’m finding there isn’t much out there affirming that this is indeed abuse. In my case, it included loooong stretches of silent treatment that started at a very young age and which was used as a weapon against me throughout all the years I lived at home. Very damaging – to this day, I often feel invisible. And damaged. Your thoughts on this kind of thing would be appreciated.
juliewtf said,
July 23, 2009 at 12:27 pm
I agree on the neglect thing. Out of all the things that has happened, was not being spoke to or acknowledged for a week or two at a time, was one of the worse.
You would think to not have any attention brought to you, would be better. What happens is that you begin to actually think that you dont exist. You actually become invisible.
Kathy Broady said,
August 1, 2009 at 6:36 pm
ok
I see that an article on about neglect / the effects of neglect has been requested by a few of you. I’ll definitely put that on my To Do List.
Being neglected to the point of feeling invisible… that starts to equal not being valued or valuable…
It certainly affects the way people feel about themselves….
I’ll write more when I can.
Thank you, all of you, for making your comments. I appreciate hearing from you.
Kathy